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dearest helpless (apfelkeks) wrote,
@ 2003-11-22 17:31:00
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    Current mood: sad
    Current music:Eminem - "Kim"

    dear loser...
    Must remember: hate is reserved for important things, not for trivial ones like people. Am feeling violent. Am ready to do nasty things to this useless being masquerading as a respectable professor.

    Gods! >_>
    No exact reason, but I *hate* school. School and it's stupid, stupid oh so~ *damn* stupid people in it! >_<
    When I'm not in school, I'm all right, I feel well and I don't have those damns elf-esteem-issues. But when school start again, I'm absolutely doomed. I am going to be anxious and angsty (isn't that all the same? Oo") all the time and I'll be pretty pissed off when I come home again. I want to suffocate Kim at this very moment for making me feel this way. >.<.

    Did I mention that I'm atheist? I really think that *all* religions suck. Completely. Hell, I don't even go to church on christmas! >_> If there was a god, I seems to have forgotten me. If he's there, he never helped me. But I think he doesn't give a fuck on what a little girl like *me* feels.
    The reason I do not spend my days in despair and my nights in hopeless weeping simply is that I am in love with my own ruin. I therefore deserve no sympathy, and probably shall not get it: my own profound self-compassion is enough. I am so abominably self-conscious that no smallest detail in this tragedy eludes me. Day after day I sit in the theatre of my own life and watch the drama of my own history proceeding to its close. Pray God the curtain falls at the right moment lest the play drag on into some long and tedious anticlimax.

    *sigh* I guess my whole life is either a tragedy or a comedy with *very* bad/black humour. I want to cry. But I am too lazy to do even this, I guess...

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