|Current music:||The Silence.|
Tempus Fugit.After all, tomorrow is another day.
I decided the next five entries in here, will be the current events here... a collective mount of notes my journal has compiled over the passed day. Whether or not anyone cares to read, as usual - it is completely up to you. I'd love to try and get people to listen, though; have them try to mentally understand that their problems... are nothing compared to others'. Leo should understand. So ANYWAY, raise your glasses, bring an ovation; 'cause here it fucking goes.
Tuesday, April 8th, 2003
First day at Camp.
Coming from a straight twelve hour 'Coach' flight to Tanzania, the one thing in my mind; is home. Maddox, Ryan, Mom, Jamie - - Having given my first-class ticket to a little girl on her way back to Kenya, I had time enough to wallow in my sorrows enough for the whole week. Acting bizarre situations out with the miniscule packets of nuts. I had to control myself not to take advantage of the free drinks service. For Christ's sake; I'm a fucking Ambassador... what good would it do anyone, me stepping off the plane pissed as a Platypus swimming backwards. Forgive the idiocy of that analogy. As soon as the group got together at the UNCR base a couple of miles away from where we'd be camping, I tried to call Ry', I was still confused as to why he didn't show... but whatever he chooses in any circumstance; is perfectly fine with me. Hah, I say that as if I own him... which isn't true, I fully endowe a life of your own and a freedom of speech. All facts aside, he didn't answer. As much as I respect his privacy, to know that he can tell me anything in his mind; would make - me - feel more at ease. Right now I sit in camp, around the campfire... the boys eating soup, I can't eat. A few hundred yards away, there are thousands of children starving. It doesn't feel right to sing 'Kumba-ya', or however the fuck it's spelled. Tomorrow is a long, long day. I should sleep soon; the sun rises early here, and I'd like to be awake to watch it, the star constellations hand over the wild plains... I keep looking up there, see if in anyway my grandparents are up there, looking over me proud. The star James and I named as our own, is here too; strange... yet, beautiful. Charmingly beautiful. But the cries of the children... are painful. I need to get in there, not just be here to improve the UNCR's reputation... but to actually hands-on help them. I love my baby boy; mumma will be home soon, muffin. Be brave. I know you can be... you, keep me going. Jamie? You look up to the night sky, I'll be there.
Wednesday, April 9th, 2003
Day 1 - Preparation Talk
Prep. talk. Basically, it's the entire team being in controllably lectured on what we can and can't do, over the course of the next few days. The guy in the aqua pants... *Squint* That'd be Kingsley. He's a living expert on everything 'Lagufu'. ( The camp we're planted at ). I had no fucking idea there were laws; against people taking refugees, the whole thing is messed up to no ends. It's sort of an illegal, yet legal form of working things out over here. Later in the day, I had to be oblivious and ask questions, questions like "If we were to help the children out, what would happen?"; "Is there even a reason behind it all?", "How long has the war actually been going on?". I mean, I'll admit; over the past two years since the last time I was here. Both in filming-time, time at home and my spare time from looking over Maddox, I've researched from Refugee camps to the whole West Coast of Africa, but nothing can prepare you, there was no mention at all, of anything to do with Government, or legal plantations. It's fucking sick. I want to get out there; talk to the kids - talk to the adults - - fuck the typical tabloid mack of "Refugee's are poor", I want to hear their take on everything... be there to listen to the stories they have to tell. Try and use this venture as a kick-off point for world notification. "Sorry, Angel... you' aiming' fo'too much!". So much to ask for a little friendly-faith.
As I wrote that, I just realized I am writing as if I am studying people in a zoo, as if they're inhumane... I feel stupid and arrogant to think I know anything about these people and their struggles. The people I have met; have been incredible human beings... standing up for what they believe in; being as individual as they can be. A little after lunch, Demi - a worker from the village near-by took me to a small tribal market. There were twelve year old boys, shoe shining passers by. As I sat there, eating a slice of watermelon... I observed one of the most un-nervy of things. An aristocratic white French-man, stopped to get his boots shined... proceeding not only to not pay the child, but to push him into the dirt. I just wanted to grab him, and show him what being shoved to the ground was like - but I couldn't, here; everyone is so much more grown-up, and accepting of the bad things that happen. Comparing these living conditions to those of an average American... I can't believe how selfish I've been in the past. The least I could do - - and Did do - was help him up. At first the little guy was uneasy of me, it's amazing how much peace a small smile can mean... I smiled at him; he smiled back. My maternal instincts kicked in... Demi, helped translate the words from me to him; and vice versa, you know; he said I was 'really pretty'. His name was Nano; had no family... at least he wasn't in the camp, right? I told him to promise me, he'd see me tomorrow for Ice Cream, and again, he replied with a smile. Genuine smile. I started to yearn like hell, for Maddox if we ( Billy and I ) hadn't adopted him, he could have been like little Nano, in as little as four years.
So... there it is, another day in the life. More to come tomorrow, including ice cream. Mrow.
- Mrs. Doodikins
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You know, it took a short momentary lapse to think of something in reply to your entry. I think I'm good to go.|
You have no idea how much I admire you for doing this, whole-heartedly. It may sound some like, cheesy bullshit, but I've always wanted to do something like what you're doing now, being an ambassador and having all these wonderful, enlightening experiences without a boundary of any kind -- yet, I still find myself here, taking care of mere "issues" such as whether or not Frank's had his daily pill or not. *Shakes head* I understand though, at least I'd like to think so, as to how to comprehend all these things, how these people are living and what little we can all do to make their lives the least bit different. I'm well aware we can't save them all, can't reach them all ... "but we can find other ways." *Smiles*
I'm still trying to figure out what I can do; perhaps the kids wouldn't mind daddy slash uncle being gone for a few days, but by the way they're clining to my legs, I doubt they'll let me. *Small chuckle* Nevertheless, don't forget your purpose there. We're all fine here, just concentrate on those more important right now, because they deserve your full attention. I'll admit that not being able to talk with you, see you for all this time is killing me, ... but my thoughts are with you, like always. Take care.
I love you.
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♪ Angelina . . (( Sighs, wiping her eyes, a bit. Then lowering her fingertips over the laptop keys, once again. )) I began reading your entry, a lovely entry, indeed. You've made me cry, darling. (( Shakes her head, a bit. )) I know it is simply my motherly hormones, going at a rage . . If it were a month from now, reading this, I'd simply feel passionate to help those children, in Africa, as well . . But I wouldn't cry over it, as I am doing, now . . Nevertheless, that's not the point of my reply, but I must say, your entry touched me. . So, I will continue on . .|
You know, Angelina . . You're very courageous, dear. It takes courage, lots of bloody courage, to fly your way into a different and foreign environment, to live the life style of others, for a few days . . Watching other's go through their turbulent life, and trying to do something, anything . . about it. It's hard to watch people that are not allowed to live, within the privileges that we, here in the states, are given.
Your lovely boy, Maddox, is a charming little one. He misses you, dearly . . I can tell. Nonetheless, I'll make sure to see that James assures him that you will be home to him, soon.
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I made you cry? *Grins* Well, goooooooood, 'cause that's the idea. When you're actually out here, there's no need for hormones; or lack... to cry. It's extremely understandable. Coming from one mother to another... just imagine how bad it would feel, having everyone and everything you loved, taken away in the brink of an eye. Including the children. *Pushes a greasy strand of hair behind her ear*|
Courage, is over rated; but it means a lot to hear people admiring the work the team does. *Nods, glancing around* It ain't just me, sweetpea.
Maddox, Ava and Dylan... you poor, poor woman. *Laughs* Clyde loves her Bonnie, remember that.
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