|Current music:||Meatloaf - I Would do Anything for Love|
Control. Speaking in a cryptic sense, this is gonna be a lot harder for me to write, than for anyone to understand... You're with someone, leaping from casual joking around, to an overly-intimate situation which is generally within your reach of control, yet you don't... you let things get out of hand, thinking back; the only cause of concern is how selfish I was. I know, he's thinking about ending his current relationship before things get too deep... but; it's not me he wants, whether I was part of a plan to make him feel less-guilty about breaking it off. Although, I... can't picture him doing that, he doesn't seem part of the same genre as Billy was; maybe I'm a mug and can't see clearly past anyone. The wrong thing to do, is always the most enthralling, I did enjoy it, credit should be given in my favor... I made it stop. Why; you knew that it was the wrong thing to do... I knew it was the wrong thing for you. I didn't want the friendship to be ruined, just had to take that off my head.
James; brought his new love-interest. Big-breasted, bottle-blonde, "petite"woman, one of those who monitor their weight every day... gotta be about 20; call me over-protective of him... but the second she walked in, holding his hand she gave me a snide glance; I tried to get along with her... I was being generally nice -- NICE -- ended up, in an argument with her. Flashing a thirteen carot bracelet that Jamie bought her, not for a birthday; anniversary... but for a "little treat". I couldn't deal with it, I can't deal with watching my brothers heart be pulled apart at the hands of some fucking ungrateful whore. "Angie, she's such a sweet person". Yeah. Right. Sure... I'm a mug, when he went to give Maddy a gift, I got... "You're so lucky to have worked with Antonio Banderas, I'd sleep with him in a second || insert narcissistic laugh here... EH EH EH EH... Fucking drop dead. ||" . End product of this; after leaving... J called me and apparently, I'd upset her -- THE FUCK? God damn. I'll still be there for him once she ends it. Jealousy? I think not. I need to get back into filming, again, the only thing I miss more is Maddox. Clear my mind... make the shit stop, use it for change.
I'd read an interview with the author Emma Forrest; "When I was younger I loved Betty Blue, and at the moment I'm completely besotted with Angelina Jolie. But sometimes I'm unnerved by the idea of men liking her. Because I think that there is a side to every man that really wants to watch a woman fall apart."
Definitely. Most definitely.
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