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Angelina Jolie (angelina__jolie) wrote,
@ 2003-02-10 17:28:00
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    Current mood:lonely
    Current music:Aerosmith - Janie's Got a Gun

    Keep me a Secret.
    Monday afternoon, and I find myself sitting in front of the TV, laptop on top of three blankets, Maddox playing with his "tweenies" on the floor; it's such a fucking amazing feeling to not have to worry about filming, or the public. Since I woke up, this morning... it's just felt like one of "those days". No sign of sun or rain anywhere outside; everything just silently exists. No birds singing, no sounds of traffic from the horizon. One of those times in which we all just exist. The place seeming more secluded, as if this house along with Maddox is all I have to think or worry about. I don't like it, I feel the need to be out there, doing anything but this... taking Maddox to the brook, taking a trip to Borley Rectory. *shrugs* The fuck if I'm gonna be reduced to this when I grow into an old woman, I can still picture what we talked about that time. Both being commited to the old peoples home; causes arguments, being fucking annoying as ever. I suppose you only age if you want to; numbers mean shit. My late grandfather; was eighty fuckin' four, and he keep his spirits up; always joking... being the same man he was in his youth. Being superficial, is saying that when we come to the end of our mortal life; we should be reserved and grounded. I'd never stop being myself; no matter how many wrinkles or liver spots I get... what's the point in wasting away? Life is for living... I still get that question, ya know... "But... why Billy Bob, isn't he twenty years older?"; he is... SO? Should love be judged over age, over gender.. over anything!? Love has entered and exited my life at a rapid pace, but it has been there; whether the oppertunity has passed... or whether the main choice has yet to come.

    How can you practically be disgusted if love occurs between two different ages, two different races ...two same sexes, even.
    My father, never did like it... why the fuck do you think we can't get along? I just want to stand up in front of the whole fucking world and tell them how much I still love Billy; how much I loved Jenny. STAND UP THERE, in front of everyone... in front of my father, my brother... even fucking Melvin! It is love, how can I be crazy for being in love with him? ...and damn love is a strong word to use, it takes energy to say it and at the same time, mean every word. I think I need to fuckin' castrate every one of those snotty, piss-headed journalists... a task we're all after doing; for them doing "their job". What kind of employment is getting in front of a camera, and claiming things about people that you don't know? I swear it's the ultimate destination for all of those peppy bullies in high school. "OhMyGawd, Like Angelina Jolie is like so crazy for like being with Billy Bob, like like like yah, he's like so old, and like ew!". Pathetic. Fucked up. Jaded.

    Last night, he left a message on my answer phone... singing Bon Jovi to me. Maddox was mesmerised by the sound of his voice, not that he's a talented singer; but... the thought was there. I can see him now, sleeping soundly; ready to call, and just miss me... then leave another message. Billy, you fuck... sing some Backstreet, for me. I've recorded you a small song... nothing much, but I have no other way of expressing my current feelings. Am I sounding like a sap, or what!? I'll stop before... I don't know, Melvin overhears the message and an earthquake occurs from his headbanging?

    "I'll talk in whispers so I don't disturb you; confessing I'll hardly breathe... we're secluded from the rest of the world, in this lavender haze; just you and me... this time we have is a rare thing, so precious and now so rare; I can't describe... no I cannot hide, I'm complete when you are by my side; So I'll lock the door, you're not going anywhere... you're staying right here beside me; we'll laugh... that's what best friends do; I'm loving you. here beside me, and I; I'm finding it wild... how I'm needing you here beside me. Little do you know I'm absorbing your every word, I won't let on. You sculpt yourself from me, keep me warm. I was the wall you nearly broke your neck to climb, and it's funny how I wanted you to two-time; I didn't wanna be into the soppy thing, though I'll admit I'm locking your hand in mine... Yeah you had me running round in circles, you playing cool, and me; much too keen... give me a taste and leave me craving more, a little precautious scene.

    ...going beyond my beleifs, yet everything seems so right... and at the same time weak.



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cameron_r
2003-02-10 14:29 (link)
LITTLE ANGIE, HONEY WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? DUH DA DA DUM IT'S THE SOUND OF MY GUN.

-laughs- That had nothing to do with your entry...because I think that if you're in love with him then to hell with the rest of the world. Fuck 'em all, Ang. And if he hurts you...I'll kill him.

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angelina__jolie
2003-02-11 06:20 (link)
*laughs* ANGIE'S GOT A GUN...

I'm spoiled in life to have friends like you, Cam. You're so fuckin' wise... and to be there to hurt him if he hurts me again, just earns extra points.

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cameron_r
2003-02-11 08:17 (link)
Pff...I'm not wise but I am loyal :)

I have icons for you little missy...but I don't know where to send them OR the pictures for the layout. :P Oh well...we'll both be on at the same time eventually.

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Re:
angelina__jolie
2003-02-11 10:15 (link)
Damn time differences. I'm all ready to make the layout and shit, just have no pictures. If I could kill time, literally, I would. ;) Send 'em to just_jolie@hotmail.com

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billyb_thornton
2003-02-10 14:38 (link)
( "Maddox was mesmerised by the sound of his voice, not that he's a talented singer; but... " lmao you're cruel...I sang for you >:o come on cry baby)

Want me to sing BSB? Alright...maybe one day, but I prefer having you sing to me...all those afternoons we'd lay in bed together, holding you in my arms, kissing your soft neck, watching you look up at the ceiling, listening to your beautiful voice echo against the walls, singing to me... What I love most about us, is we never were too sappy...we knew how much the other cared, we never needed to sugarcoat it...All I needed was your smile...and I knew...

I was thinkin' a lot about the acting your age thing, and the older I get, seems to be the younger I get. Sure, we all get smarter, learn a lot, experience so much, but inside...we stay true to ourselves. I couldn't imagine living a life as something I wasn't; acting like people wanted me to.

Your grandfather, from how you spoke of him, was a great man. And what he did is what we all should, just be happy about life. If someone asked me when I am much older like he was, if I'd ever want to be a kid again, I'd probably have said no, because through all my years of life, growing older, I'd have experienced so much, meeting you Ang, loving you, our son, everything...I couldn't possibly give that up to be younger...but at the same time, I would say I don't have to be 5 years old...to act 5 years old :)

The greatest gift is life, and living it...loving it

-Billy

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angelina__jolie
2003-02-11 06:25 (link)
All those afternoons... *laughs* failing to mention me beating your ass in a game of 'Go Fish!'. It was months ago, now... yet I still have those memories as if they were just yesterday, I just yearn for those days when, I'd come back from publicity or whatever the fuck I was doing, you'd be sleeping; and just to lie there watching you breathe... was all I needed to prove to myself, the feelings I had for you. When you woke up, the feeling was just such a releif; after working with Melvin all day... *blinks* ...I finally had my best friend, my husband... my soulmate.

You know I'll sing to you whenever you want... no matter the status, even for nostalgia, ya know?

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billyb_thornton
2003-02-11 20:13 (link)
(writes down a note for her...standing outside her place while she's not in..)

You're not here.... but you know, Ang, I remember all that too...and you weren't the only one watchin' someone sleep...i used to crawl into bed next to you while you slept, holding you in my arms, watching you breathe...you were so peaceful, so beautiful...you still are... do you know how many bad days i had? do you know how many horrible, bottom of the fuckin' barrel days i went through, and through everyone of those, you were there, here...you didn't even know it, how happy you made me, you could make me smile when nothing else could, and i love you for that and so much more...

Your voice, when you're singing, it's so beautiful...if there were a heaven, for me, it would be holding you in my arms, listening to your sweet singing, watching your lips move...kissing them :) *kisses the note* i <3 you... don't ever forget that.

(slides it under her door)

-Billy

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angelina__jolie
2003-02-12 13:50 (link)
You told me a lot of times, how tough things were, and though I listened... I didn't intentionally try to take your mind from them, it just happened. After my grandparents died... you were there, even to fight with, fighting killed the both of us; but in a way, afterwards we were always stronger.

Just speaking to you... and even saying random insults to Melvin. *laughs* Is enough to make me feel complete... if only for a second. I'll never forget you for that, for anything.

If I was your girlfriend, I'll be there for you, if somebody hurts you... even if that somebody was me; sometimes I trip on how happy we could be; and so I put this on my life, nobody or nothing will ever come between us, and I promise I'll give my life, my love and my trust if you was my boyfriend... put this on my life, the air that I breathe in, all that I believe in... I promise I'll give my life; my love and my trust if you was my boyfriend.

*grins* Look at that... a little Jay-Z.

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billyb_thornton
2003-02-12 17:53 (link)
Only time we don't speak is during "Sex and the City"
She gets Carrie fever, but soon as the show is over
She's right back to being my soldier
Cuz mami's a rider, and I'm a roller
Put us together, how they gon' stop both us?
What ever she lacks, I'm right over her shoulder
When I'm off track mami is keepin me focused
So let's, lock this down like it's supposed to be
The '03 Bonnie and Clyde, Ang' and B <3 lol


Yeah, I never really talk about my problems, I do a lot with you because I feel like we can talk about anything...which is cool...but you always could make me smile like that. I'll always be around for you; regardless of how we are now...In a weird way, I don't even think we could stop being connected to each other, because that's just something that's always there, no matter what.

Mmmm...hey, these candy conversation hearts are good (puts the "Im urs" one in her mouth) :) I <3 you Cry Baby

-Billy

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angelina__jolie
2003-02-13 04:25 (link)
Those people who intentionally make fools out of themselves, when they have nothing to say... can usually be more influencial than those who talk and have no idea what they're saying. I only did bring my problems to you, even took them out on you; and that was stupid of me. I remember something, someone said to me... we take things out on the people closest to us, fearing they can take it. Everytime we fought... I couldn't stop arguing back, but with every comment, I was breaking my heart.

"The sky was falling, heaven was calling. When danger crashes, rose from the ashes. Like two statues hidden inside ancient rock, we were praying for the secrets to unlock, and when the sun had turned its back on us, in the dark our love kept track of us, pushed together by the lack of love."


*takes a white one, throws it down, picks up a pink one with "be mine" on and puts it in your hand*

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billyb_thornton
2003-02-13 19:20 (link)
Yeah, it's okay, Ang...I know you and I have had our battles...fights... I've started my share of them. I know when you were dealing with a lot of crap, you were upset and took it out on me, but I never let that stuff cloud what's really there; it was just your way of reaching out, and any time you feel like talking to me, about anything, you know I've got an ear for you, Cry baby...even if we're not together anymore...I'm here. Every day that passes, I feel closer to you...more than I was when we were together...You're a beautiful person, take my breath away...

Can't believe you remembered I hated those white colored ones...lol That's sweet :)

(Gives her an orange one with "<3 U" on it)

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angelina__jolie
2003-02-14 08:39 (link)
Of course I remembered you didn't like them, even when my mind is focussed mainly on one thing; I can always digest every little thing you say. *holds the heart in her hand, takes the gum from her mouth, halves it and hands you a little*. Half of everything I am; you are.

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billyb_thornton
2003-02-14 12:33 (link)
(puts it inside his mouth, chewing) mmm...always tastes better after it's been in your mouth (pops a bubble) You're right though...I give you what you lack, and you do the same for me...half of everything I am, you are <3

-Billy

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a_larter
2003-02-10 17:31 (link)
Mmm Jovi

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angelina__jolie
2003-02-11 06:25 (link)
Mmm Ali. ;)

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Re-post. yay.
brody_arms
2003-02-11 15:29 (link)
http://thedistillers.net/showcase2.JPG
http://www.thedistillers.com/images/photos/bandshots/bandshot1.jpg
http://thedistillers.net/mike12.jpg

Any angelina! Theres the pics for ya. Yes im posting it here and in a comment on our journal.
Thankies so much for this!

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