*angelic j* (angelicj) wrote, @ 2007-07-01 23:28:00

My past couple of weeks... the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I've had a crazy couple of weeks. School got out on June 18th. I already miss the kindergartners. They were so funny- it was such a blast. The week before school got out, my Grampy wasn't eating or drinking much so my Grammy said let's go to the emergency room, and he said ok. The doctors did a cat scan and found a mass in his bowel somewhere and it turned out to be a tumor the size of a baseball- colon cancer. They put him into surgery the next afternoon, and it was successful. Well, I didn't come home to visit because I was finishing up with school and everyone said he was looking great. The day after school got out, the Tuesday before last, my mom called and said Grampy's condition went from good to poor. He had pneumonia as a complication and took a turn for the worst. I had class that night at Framingham State, so I was kind of torn whether I should come right home or get my work from class and then go home. I decided on going to part of class first. About five minutes before I left for class, my sister Liz called my cell and said to please come now because Grampy wasn't doing well, and she sounded like she was crying, which is a rarity. So I called my teacher and started bawling on the phone that I had to get right to the hospital. She was very understanding and I got the ok to go. I pulled out of the driveway and got a text message from my sister Sarah saying come now. So I cried all the way to Wellesley. I'm driving down a main road, when suddenly a guy in a van pulls out from a side street without looking and hits the rear quarter panel of my car, knocking me into the middle of the road. I pull over and my tire's completely flat and there's other damage. That added an hour onto the time it was going to take me to get to the hospital to visit Grampy. I had to deal with the police and wait for Matt and his dad to come and rescue me. Matt was awesome. He had to go into work at midnight and hadn't gotten much sleep since his last shift, yet he drove me in traffic to get to my grandfather, and he stayed with me and the family for a couple hours before heading home again. That meant so much to me. When we got to the hospital, I walked into what I never thought I'd see. I originally pictured Grampy laying peacefully in the bed sleeping. What I really saw was a shrunken down version of my Grampy, without his dentures in, making him look even more sunken in, with a mask on his face giving him 100% oxygen. I immediately lost it, broke down and tried to say, "Hi Grampy, it's Jeannette. I love you." I kissed him on the temple, and then I had to leave the room b/c I was so hysterical crying in front of my grandmother and assorted aunts, uncles, and cousins. My mom calmed me down in the hall. About a half-hour after that, the stress from the missed class, the accident, and seeing Grampy in his state got to me, and the migraine I was getting came to the nausea part. I took an Imitrex too late and ended up throwing up in the bathroom. My mom had to drive me home I was so sick.

The next day at the hospital they put Grampy on a morphine drip, rather than having the injections every couple of hours. It helped immensely. He wasn't as restless as he was before and seemed to sleep a little better. A little while before we left, my mom, my sisters and I walked into the room and we stood around the bed looking at him and he suddenly opened his eyes [the first time I saw them open], lifted his head off his pillow, and said, "Wow." Then he lifted his hand and started counting the number of people in the room. He couldn't believe the amount of family surrounding him. There were always about 10-15 people in the room [the door said limit 2 visitors-- big family :)]. Grammy was so happy to see him perk up a little. She was exhausted but said, "Oh Phil, I was about to leave, but look at you. You're awake. I think I'll stay a while" and she gave him a kiss. I hope I always remember that. That night my sisters and I signed up for the 10pm-12am shift of staying with him at the hospital. He was so peaceful and we had the best conversation with my cousin Phil, reminiscing about Grampy's life and the funny things he said. We'd say his brother Austin's name and his friend Tom O'Connell's name in conversation [both of whom had passed away] and he moved his head a little upon hearing their names. He knew we were there but he couldn't talk to us. We stayed until 1am, and came home feeling less stressed than the day before. He was taken off the IV that gave him lipids and nourishment, and they took him off his heart monitor so we knew the end was near. It was ok though, because he didn't look like he was in pain like the day before when he was getting agitated, trying to pull his mask off and moving his legs around a lot, saying "Hail Marys" and telling God that he was a hard worker and a good man. This time he was sleeping. We monitored the number of breaths he was taking per minute and had an emergency phone list in case anything changed.

My aunt called us just before 7am that morning to say that Grampy passed away. My cousin Alecia had been with him at the time of his passing. I called her later that day and she said, "Jeannette, the neatest thing happened. About a minute before he died, as he was taking his last breaths, he opened those big, bright, beautiful blue eyes of his and gazed past me across the room. It was like he was looking right at God, as if to say, 'I'm ready.'" And that's how he died, eyes gazing, very peaceful.

Over 700 people came to the wake. He was well-liked and knew a LOT of people. Plus our family's gigantic. It made me so proud of him. I'll be lucky if 10 people come to mine. He left a lasting impression on people. He was caring, generous, and funny as hell. We all miss him so much. He left behind his wife, 8 kids, and 21 grandchildren. We'll see him again someday though. :)

I got through all that, came home Monday afternoon after the funeral party, took a test on Tuesday, and Matt took me out to dinner afterward. He was so sweet to me. He told me he was proud of me for handling all this stress so well and still finding time to study for a test [I'll find out how I did on Tuesday], and then told me that he wants to give me a wedding. We were between doing a big wedding, or getting married on a cruise. He said you deserve a special day with all your family there to see. He said, "How's June 15, 2008? It's a Sunday..." That's our five year anniversary of being together. It's absolutely perfect. But now I'm already having a coronary about all the things I need to do to plan, and work, and take Master's classes all at the same time. I know we can do it though. We'll make it work and it'll be beautiful. That boy still has a romantic side after four years. I'm blessed to get to spend my life with Matt.


Grampy's Obituary: http://obit.gatelyfh.com/obit_display.cgi?id=430755&listing=Current
... or search for Philip P. Cargill on the site. He lived an amazing life. R.I.P. 6/21/07

	(Anonymous) 2007-07-03 14:49 (link)
	hey J... I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. but it sounds like his final moments were very peaceful, and I'm happy to hear that. I know you'll miss him, and I'm glad you have lots of good memories to think back on when you need them. I wish your family lots of strength. and I wish you lots of luck on the wedding planning :). Shaunna (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Sorry to hear about your loss (Anonymous) 2007-07-09 01:44 (link)
	Sorry to hear about your loss, and congrats on settling (I think) on a date. Hope al is well for the two of you. - The J (Reply to this) (Thread)

(Anonymous) 2007-07-11 19:14 (link)

Jeannette, I am so sorry to hear you lost your grampy. It sounds like he had a peacefull end to a wonderful life. We miss you guys like crazy, we are glad to hear you set a date, now the fun and crazy part begins! If you have any questions you can call me (413-262-8334) or you can email me danielle@thecarbonneaus.com, I loved planning my wedding and you will too! Hope Matt is doing good in his job give him a hug and kiss from me, j and the boys!1 take care, danielle ps do you think you could email me your address ( i know it's like the 700th time but I still have holland ave in my address book.) (Reply to this) (Thread)