|Current mood:|| bitchy|
|Current music:||Hoobastank - The Reason|
-WhY iS EvErYtHiNg So CoNfUsiNg...MaYbE i'M JuSt oUtTa My MiNd-
well my internet isnt working...as usual...i wish they would hurry up and fix our phone. but anyways i can still type in my blurty...i'll just have to post this in the morning when i wake up. ive been sittin here for the last hour in tears...and i dont exactly know why. maybe its just my hormones runnin wild since it is that wonderful part of bein a girl. so i dont know. but ive just been sittin here feeling angry and hurt at some people in my life. my parents mostly. i dont understand why they want to be so mean to me. they took my car in april...and promised me another one 2 months later. well here it is almost october and i still dont have one. i hate taking my moms car when i want to go somewhere. i know that sounds whiney but i had no idea how much i took stuff like that for granted when i had it. i miss stupid things like drivin down the road and playin my cd's in my own car...or takin my car to the car wash and cleanin it up. my car was like my baby...and it sucks to not have it anymore. and buddy if ur readin this i know ur thinkin well why dont u go get a job and get ur own car....so u dont even have to say it. im just sayin that this is really unfair. they shouldnt have promised me somethin if they're not gonna do it. did i really do somethin that bad to be treated like that? i dont think i did. i guess thats just another one of my moms lil games she likes to play with me. but i shouldnt be surprised...this is a likely thing for her to do. i think the biggest reason she is doin this is to have somethin to hold over my head. she knows as long as i dont have a car its gonna be harder for me to go get a job...and move out of her house. she treats me like im her doll and she just does whatever she wants with me and doesnt even think about my feelings...not even for a second. and i just sit here and wonder why this has to happen to me? i wish i could say somethin to my dad in hopes that he would listen to me...but he's another puppet on her strings. he listens to every fuckin thing she says. so i dont have any luck there. i feel bad for complainin about stuff like this cuz i know there are people that have it worse than i do...and i probably sound really selfish right now. but im not a bad person...and i just dont know why this is happening to me. for once i wish they would actually listen to me and make some kind of attempt to do what they promised me 6 months ago. and what makes it even worse is them expecting me to be nice and do stuff for them. im so tired of kissin their ass 24/7 when in the end i dont get anything for it. i dont ever ask them for anything. ive even stopped complaining about a car...b/c its not gonna happen anytime soon...and my mom has made that perfectly clear. so whats the point of wasting my breath over it. im just startin to feel like they dont even really want me here anymore. they haven't actually came out and said it...but i can tell by the way they act and the things they do. its mostly my mom...my dad isnt even here enough to have any part in it...but anyways. i just feel like im in the way or somethin. my mom acts like she gets mad when she has to do somethin for me...like if there's somethin i need to do or get...she complains about it. im tired of feeling unwanted here. it really hurts. my mom is the most greedy person i know. she goes out and does whatever she wants whenever she wants and buys whatever she wants and nothing is ever said. but when i ask to do something or get somethin its this huge fight. oh well...im sure im startin to sound like a spoiled brat to who ever is reading this...but i dont think its like that at all. i put up with so much shit ...its crazy. i guess thats enough bitching for now. it was even pointless now that i think about it. it's not gonna change anything. but at least ive stopped crying for the moment. im such a pansy...i need to quit that. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i hate this!
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