| Current mood: |  happy |
| Current music: | Sarah McLachlan - Sweet Surrender |
Mush alert, mush alert!
When he first walked on to the set of Buffy a few years back, I was kind of taken aback. Not only was he going to be a new character by the name of Wesley, but I was also kind of floored with just how incredibly good-looking he was, not to mention how wonderfully polite as well.
We always had a flirty relationship on set and everyone knew we liked each other. I wanted to go out with him but he had this rule about not dating anyone he worked with and plus at the time I was involved with someone and so was he. So as much as I liked him and he liked me we just kind of never got to pursue it until he got the call to go be on Angel and then well we didn't have a silly rule to get in our way. We both weren't involved with other people anymore and so we gave it a shot.
I fell madly and completely in love with Alexis. We got to know every little nook and cranny of each other off set. So much so that when he actually proposed to me back on break last December I couldn't help but say yes, even though I didn't know if I was ready.
Well things got very complicated after that and when I got one of these journal things, it got even more so. So I got scared and he had his own issues and so I ended it. I didn't realize what what was going to happen after this but I needed at least the time to think about it. I kept trying to fool myself. Delude myself into thinking oh yes, I could be happy, I could keep going. Because I couldn't just sit here anymore
And then he came back and I felt a lot of confusion. I still do. But when he looked at me after I talked to him, and really looked right through me I couldn't just sit here and ignore it. I stayed up for days, trying to figure out what happened. Issues just don't go away but maybe now we can deal with them. Because I really felt miserable for a long time. Anyone that's talked to me over the past little while knows that I haven't been as chipper as I normally have been.
So when he asked me out to dinner, I said yes. When he picked me up and we dined with the wine and Italian food, it was like this great big burden, this absolute heavy weight had been lifted. He's never pushed and he's given me the time. I couldn't ask for anything more and I think every little moment is about to be as clear as can possibly be now. It's a slow process, you don't fall magically in love overnight again. But one little step can go a long way.
I guess this was kind of mushy. But hey, every now and then even I can get a little mushy. It's allowed.
Edit: How could I be absolutely so thoughtless? It's Father's Day. And yes, my dad still drives trucks and so I gave him a call. Of course at least he had the day off. Yes I take care of them. Hope you call your dads too!
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