Jeremiah Rangel (almightyjere) wrote, @ 2003-08-05 12:38:00

Current mood:	angry
Current music:	Enigma :: Trapt

I was never the type who would give up on something I wanted. Then there was you.The first time I met you, I remember being so scared. Then you spoke to me. I was so captivated. At the same time, I was so scared of falling in love with you..but I did. You didn't know until you were with someone else and I had already caused you enough pain. I remember the first time I told you I liked you and you said to me that you were glad you didn't have to be the first one to say something. That was right after I had broken up with my boyfriend. You and I shared a kiss that day, one I'll never forget. The next day, I threw you away and got back with my boyfriend, asked him to marry me as well. I knew at the time I had hurt you terribly. Now that I've broken everything off with him, I want you back..but you're already with someone. I know that everyday I will add more and more to your confusion. I don't want or like doing it, but it's happeing and it's hard for me to stop. I've confessed my love for you, and as much as I want you, I want you to forget about it. I've completely fucked you over now. I just want you to be happy in life and you seem as if you are with the one you're with now. I'd always end up hurting you somehow. I've already done it to many people and I think you've had your share of it from me. And yet again, now, I am purposely hurting you. I don't know why I do this to people. I hate doing it. You told me that you still liked me even though I have done so much shit to you. I feel like I'm pushing you to hate me. I've got my mind set on never being with you, and I'm pushing you to that so that it becomes true. Maybe it's a sign that I'm supposed to be alone in life. But don't get me wrong, if you ever wanted me, even though I've caused so much shit with you, I'd go with you. Sorry never really works, but..


I'm sorry, Billy.

It's so hard to sit here and lie. You should know by now that I do want you. You're the only thing in the world I want. But I told Quinn that I wouldn't take you from him, and I won't.

And Matt, I'm sorry.

g00d_billy 2003-08-05 14:33 (link)

You're not the one hurting me. I'm hurting myself. Since I can remember I've always felt different with you than anyone else. When you broke up with Matt the first time I really thought there was a reason deeper than just you and him and some kind of problem I didn't know about. I thought it was more tyhan that. Some things are planned out and we don't even realize it. I probably am not making much sense right now but all I can say is I will always care so much about you and you're always one of the most important people my life will ever know. I do love you. What I have been afraid of for the past three years is falling in love with you. And I think it's happening. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	almightyjere 2003-08-05 14:47 (link)
	...*says quietly* Don't be scared... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	g00d_billy 2003-08-05 14:50 (link)
	I just don't know what to do (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	almightyjere 2003-08-05 14:55 (link)
	I know you don't.. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	g00d_billy 2003-08-05 15:08 (link)
	so, what now? I have no clue. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	almightyjere 2003-08-05 15:16 (link)
	*shrugs* Give it time..think everything through. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	g00d_billy 2003-08-05 15:58 (link)
	too bad thinking was never one on my strong points. heh. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	almightyjere 2003-08-05 16:25 (link)
	*flashes a half-smile* You'll figure everything out when the time is right. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	g00d_billy 2003-08-05 17:19 (link)
	I think I have. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)