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manda (allxalone) wrote,
@ 2003-06-07 17:59:00
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    Current mood: depressed
    Current music:simple plan -perfect

    People are so weird. They always want you to be someone else when you can't be some one else. I can't be my sister. I can't be the person people cry on all the time. I seriously think people forget I am human. I mean when ever some one has a problem and need to cry they call me but when im upset they don't care. What do I do? I sit and write in a journal and like it listins?! Okay I am going to pretend it does. Then my mom wants me to be like my YOUNGER sister. I can't do that. I guess I missed out on the care factor. I honestly do not care who is dating who or who made out with who at the movies..i mean thats just great but I dont care. My mom always tells me I should care what people think about me and she doesn't understand why I don't. People don't understand me simple as that. I can't think of any one who does. The song of today is now Simple Plan's Perfect..the lyrics are my life take out the dad and ad the mom...she actually hit me for no reason the other day. ugh who cares any way.

    x0x manda**

    Hey dad look at me
    Think back and talk to me
    Did I grow up according to plan?
    Do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
    'Cuz it hurst when you disapprove all doing

    And now I try hard to make it
    I just want to make you proud
    I'm never gonna be good enough for you
    I can't pretend that
    I'm alright
    And you can't change me

    'Cuz we lost it all
    Nothing lasts forever
    I'm sorry
    I can't be perfect
    Now it's just too late and
    We can't go back
    I'm sorry
    I can't be perfect

    I try not to think
    About the pain I feel inside
    Did you know you used to be my hero?
    All the days you spend with me
    Now seem so far away
    And it feels like you don't care anymore

    And now I try hard to make it
    I just want to make you proud
    I'm never gonna be good enough for you
    I can't stand another fight
    And nothing's alright

    Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
    Nothing's gonna make this right again
    Please don't turn your back
    I can't believe it's hard
    Just to talk to you
    'Cuz you don't understand

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2003-06-07 18:21 (link)
Holy CRAP. Ugh, I know what you're talking about, or at least I can relate. No one knows exactly how things are for people, but I understand that..All my life my parents have compared me to my cousins, and sometimes my younger sister, though not as often. It's like they expect me to fit into their own perfectly created mold of..well, perfectness (if that made any sense at all). I'm always having to live up to their standards, and when I don't they treat me like a stranger. Another thing..I'm always trying to make my father proud of me. Never seems to work.. *sigh* Can't have anything we want, can we?
Oooh, also I know what it's like to walked all over. Meaning..I console my friends, yet when I need to be comforted, they scatter. So..why bother calling them friends...ya know?
Is it all right if I add you to my friends list?

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