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Nobody (agent_hippo) wrote,
@ 2004-10-02 01:23:00
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    Current mood: drained

    I've been lifting weights since 11:30, i can't feel my arms, legs or stomach anymore. I can't sleep i'm totaly drained, yet very awake. My throat is dry, it feels like it's closing up. Stoopid cold. No one is online right now so i'm sharing my problems with the internet.

    I thought i was done with Sarah, she's my best friend so nothing can happen. But Neva proved that i wasn't over her yet with just three words. Oh well, i guess it will just end up being a vicious cycle. I'll say i don't like Sarah, then eventually i'll get proven wrong.

    I wish i could talk to her about it but our conversations get awkward when i bring it up, maybe not for her but for me they do. I just wish someone would tell her for me - just to see what she thinks about it. lol probably nothing though - it will be like all the other times - our relationship will stay the same and be kind of awkward for a bit then go back to normal. But normal is still kind of awkward for me, i have to make sure i don't let anything slip out. She's different when i talk to her in person now. On msn she called me cute and sweet and we could talk about anything at just about anytime. Now i talk to her and she's calling someone else cute or sweet - i suppose i'm kind of jealous. We can still talk about pretty much anything but i always fuck up when i'm talking to her in person, i can't really word things right when i'm with her.

    Sometimes i wonder if i ever had a chance with her - i doubt i did. Then sometimes i wonder if i ever will - i doubt that even more. Even if she wasn't my best friend i probably wouldn't have any chance in the present or future. I've come to a point now where i don't really give a shit if she knows i just don't want to be the one to tell her. Maybe i should ask someone to do me a favour and talk to her. I just don't want to fuck up...

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