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*Lesli* (247love) wrote,
@ 2003-11-26 21:42:00
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    Current mood: peaceful

    The Beginning
    I use to have a Live Journal and I hadn't written in that in what seems like forever, so I decided that I'd get a Blurty since other people to seem to have success writing in them. So, I guess I should write about my life eh?

    My life is...great! I tend to enjoy it and most of the people are quite nice. I have about 5 or 6 really truely good friends, which I think is fantastic. Most people are like 5 friends what? You must be a loser. But I remember one thing my mom would always tell me, 'if you have one true friend that is there for you, you're lucky'. And as much as I hate to admit it, shes right. So many of the people who say they're my 'friends' really arent. I just cant stand it either, those people who ask you how your day is going and dont listen to hear the answer. There are way to many of those kind of people! I would rather have one truely good friend who really cares, then 100 who just pretend to listen and understand my problems.

    All too often I take for granted the fact that I have these few friends. Just last night I got into a fight with Patrick about how he always talks to me about this one topic and I thought he was trying to blame his problems on me. I completely blew up on him and told him that if he kept trying to blame it on me, it may be better if we didnt talk. Now, how selfish was I? I was totally being such a bitch to one of the true friends I have!

    I think everyone takes the things that they have for granted. I put myself in check sometimes and realize that in an instant, all of the things I love could be gone. But if you think about it too much, you'll be depressed. Heh, so you have to find a happy medium.

    Love...ahh the four letter word that most people long to hear from someone else. Yet many people just tend to throw the word around like its a hello, or good-bye. But honestly what is love?? What does it really mean? People claim that they are in love with their boyfriend or girlfriend, but is that really true? Im sure in some cases its true, you meet a boy/girl and you two fall madly in love and you live happily ever after, but most of us arent that lucky. Many people have to go through many hard relationships to realize when we've actually found a good one. And i believe the toughest part of all of that is the fact that even though youve been through those HARD relation ships and we DO realize that we've found the right one, we're afraid. How do you know that this 'good' relationship wont just end up one of those hard relationships that are suppose to help us figure out the good ones? I think this is when most people have a problem, or at least I think its when i find myself dobuting love.

    I've gone through life learning that love is when you truely, deeply care for someone else and you feel like you've never felt before. That's all fine and well. I think that my problem is .. i'm afraid to let someone get that close to me. I've been doing quite a bit of thinking and listening to what others think about my love life. So many times worth has told me 'Lesli, you always want what you cant have. And if you have it, you dont want it'. After he says this I laugh and deny it but deep inside I know this is true. But with myself I have figured out why I do this. I WANT to be close to someone but am afraid to let them. So I like someone that I cant have, and that way they wont want to get close to me. If i actually get someone I push them away or break up with them before they have a chance to get close to me. Now that i've figured this out about me, youd think ive solved the problem and can get on with my life, but i wish it was that easy. I dont know how to fix this problem...GRR!

    So enough about Love and Friendship! (for now at least) I think i'll go read a book or something. untill next time...peace

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