Last night, as I dozed peacefully on the couch at B&R's place, I experienced a dream. It was a dream, shown in a form of both pictoral and literal, in video, and text. In terms of impact, it was the most intense dream i'd ever had. It was actually inspired, I think, by residual feelings in me, that I don't particularly care for. And those feelings, despite my better thinking, permeated, and created this dream.
I woke up feeling rather unpleasant initially, because they're the sort of feelings that in a weaker me, would have created some sort of negative feeling. However, in me, they just made me think. I lay awake, for a good three hours, thinking about the dream. I had absolutely no sadness, when I should possibly have had. But I got to thinking, I had the dream as a woman.
Not just any woman. I dreamt the dream as a woman I know. In her mind, through her eyes, vicariously, I lived in her head, in her heart, and I wrote a post in livejournal, as her. I wrote it, and I read it, as me. Sound confusing? It is. But this is the most interesting bit.
It was beautiful. Though this post should have made me feel sad to read, I read it, and I loved it. It was all about the touchings of sexual desire, and how it clashes with the reining in, the holding back, the part of one that strives to keep the body and head and heart safe, from being hurt. From relenting to love, and romance. I think I was dreaming about my feelings, and assuming a female role.
A specific female role.
What is really interesting is, I think very much like a woman. I am a man, in every way I could possibly be. I'm a sack of muscle and bone and cock and all that blokey shit, and I quite like the way I am, thanksverymuchlolz, but.....
My female mind is what i'm quite proud of. It gives me this cadent, sensitive intuition. I balance my man side with my woman side. I don't know if the essence of man is entirely capable of that. I don't know if the average female is, in fact. But last night, I dreamt as a woman. I slept again, and I woke up feeling calm, and relaxed. I wrote a beautiful post, in a dream, as a woman. About a woman's desires, a woman's feelings, and as read, by a man. Me.
It was altogether, quite the oddest experience i've had in years. But a good one. I think....
Perhaps I can explain better at some other time. I don't know.
I am a strange, strange man. Cheers.
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