| Current music: | Lisa Germano - From a Shell |
Past is past
I've been trying to write about uni since Tuesday. It's turned out to be harder than giving birth. Yeah, I've never actually done that, but I imagine it's kinda tricky......
It's not the actual going that's bothering me. I can't figure out if any of it is really bothering me at all. It's just a little surreal I suppose.
For years now, I've been fighting against the whole 'university experience.' My parents had decided before I was even born, that I was destined for university life and a career of greatness (or at least a career). That's why I'm an only child. That's why I was never aloud to have a job during high school. I needed to concentrate on study.
But then I foiled their plans in a big way by dropping out of high school early to gain what I affectionately like to call 'Life Experience.' In retrospect, it wasn't the best decision I could have made. But it was my decision, and that's what mattered at the time. I still don't regret that. I've learned a lot since then, and as a result, developed coping skills that I never would have otherwise.
I was a freak in high school; especially towards the end there. Emotionally, I was a mess. Friends would say hello and I'd burst into tears. I was such a perfectionist and I was failing. That was my worst nightmare. So I dropped out instead of getting help. I made the mistake of believing that if I asked for help I'd be admitting weakness and that it would kill me!
I've gotten much better at asking for help and 'fessing up' to the fact that I don't know everything before I learn it. So my life experience has been worth it in that respect. I think that if I had continued onto university straight out of high school, I would have failed. What an expensive mistake that would have been!
So anyway, my point was, there's a whole lot of background info bubbling away under my feelings about university. All that aside, living in the Here and Now, I'm excited about it. I know it will change my life. The Ginger of 2006 will look back on the Ginger that I am now, affectionately shaking her head and rejoicing in how far she's come.
(Read comments)
|
