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Did you read Goosebumps books as a child? Would you like to read someone summarizing each book along with snarky commentary? Well, here you go. From "Monster Blood": "The next day, Evan helps Andy rescue a cat from a tree. And by help I mean he does what he does throughout the novel, stand around while someone else does something. He also spouts very credible dialog, suggesting they should call the "ASPCA"-- because twelve year olds often drop that particular acronym in casual conversation. After Stine finishes cribbing from childhood story-lines that make Denis the Menace look fresh, the kids abandon the cat and go back to Evan's to play with the Monster Blood some more. Oh good! More pages of kids playing with stuff! They discover the tin of Monster Blood is now overflowing with the green goop. Also, the gelatinous substance is no longer cool to the touch, but instead feels disturbingly warm. This is not enough however to discourage the kids from having a Monster Blood fight. The two fling Monster Blood at each other inside Evan's room. I can see how this book inspired three sequels. After their fight, which is described as "hilarious" in the book, the two start to clean up their mess when they hear a horrifying howl from down below. Evan rushes to the window with Andy right behind him. Andy points out that Evan's dog has doubled in size and indeed he has. The dog, who is now the size of a pony, rushes out of the backyard. Evan and Andy try to run after it, but they don't get very far before Trigger turns into a horrible monster. And then Evan wakes up. Now, I know that's a pretty insulting dream sequence, but it looks like Spellbound compared to what comes next. Evan wakes up from the dream and realizes that the bed he's in is too small. He's a giant monster or something! Then he wakes up again. Now, not to get all Primer on you, but I have a hard time figuring out whether what came before the earlier dream sequence was a dream or not, and at what point reality ceased-- because the cat in the tree adventure was not what I'd call a phantasmagoric sequence of events. I read so many terrible dream sequences in these books that I thought it only fair to add a dream sequence to this blog entry. BLOGGER BEWARE DREAM SEQUENCE Evan wakes up and tells Andy he's moving to Georgia. He hands her the Monster Blood and says, "I'm going away forever to be passive and whiny in another state. Here, since you're the best character in Goosebumps history, you take over the book and the three that come after it-- readers will like you a lot more than they like me, some annoying wuss." Then the car he leaves in explodes. As his spirit leaves his body and ascends into Heaven, Heaven explodes, ensuring that Evan can never, ever appear in another Goosebumps book. BUT THEN IT WAS ALL JUST A DREAM" Post a comment in response: |
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