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Lily (yuri_tengoku) wrote,
@ 2003-09-07 09:30:00
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    Current mood: sad
    Current music:Music

    Another thing I realized this morning. I can't go on the trips to Europe, both of them. Nor any other trips with my choir group or with any group for that matter. Maybe I'll always be the only one who hasn't been on a date (Even for my stupid proms, cause frankly no one likes me at school as far as I'm concerned) I can't do the things you normal teenagers can do even if your brother is normal and my brother's age. I envy every one of you who gets to go out. I can't. I can't have a social life. It's all my real dad's fault. If he didn't leave my brother in the hot sun, if he didn't make my mom join the military for his own personal gain...then I wouldn't be complaining. I would be content. I'm not able to out and have fun like the rest of you. You don't know what you have. You don't know what it's like having a mother in the military and being taken away from you more than they SHOULD. JUST BECAUSE THEY DON'T LIKE HER!!! I want to live like a normal teenager. I really do. I want to be able to go out on dates, meet people, try new things. But I can't. I can't. I'm not as pretty as you guys think I am. If I'm so pretty and everything is based on looks at school, how come I haven't gotten a date? No, much less anybody talking to me without trying to be smart or anything like that. I feel like people only be friends with me at school is because they feel bad for me that I'm so alone. That's one of the main reasons I met Flora, cause she felt bad I was alone in a chatroom. You think everyone's against you? You think woe is you? Think about the millions and thousands of other people who are in a worse position, even my own.

    I'm starting to believe I was supposed to mature faster than others. Obviously so, because I'm one of the youngest in my class grade. 16 is the average age in Sophmore. I came to high school when I was 14 years old, as a freshmen. I realize there are others who are the same age and grade as I am...but I'm starting to feel wise beyond my years. Espicially in the common sense department. I feel like a genius compared to the other kids at school. Those kids with normal siblings don't know what they have. They are so lucky to have brothers and sisters who doesn't have autism like so many kids do.

    ....So why does this entry revolve around you?



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