| Current mood: | extremely loved |
| Current music: | Faith Hill~Cry.. |
~Friends Forever~
Yesterday Ryan called me and wanted to hang out.. so we did.. we went and played pool.. and then tonight he called me and asked to come over.. so I said alright.. but it was kinda odd being like 9ish when he got here (kinda late for him) and he got here and came down stairs.. and gave me this really long tight hug.. and then finally left go.. and then we were talking about stuff.. and then he goes outta no where "Em and I broke up" And It totally shocked me! Because.. I never saw it coming... and didn't really want to either.. (for once) And I know how hard it must have been on him.. because even last night.. he talked of all the places he hopes to some day go with her.. and I KNOW how much he loves her.. and it was so shocking to hear.. and apparently she isn't sure who she loves more.. Ry or her Ex.. so she needs to figure it out.. And apparently his mom and I are the only people he told.. But then tonight we just talked and stuff.. and he told me how he's 99% sure that she'll be back.. but then there's that 1%.. and I told him I'll hope with him.. because I just wanna see him happy.. And I honestly truly felt that way.. and I like we just talked about his and her's situation and the Jeremy crap for me.. and he feels that I should hang with him because he's a jerk to me.. and I'll end up gaining nothing outta hanging with him.. and I see that.. but I explained how the friend thing.. and I told Ry how I did love Jeremy.. because he needed me to at the time we met and my heart just went out to him.. but ne ways we related a lot on the subjects.. and we were just layin in my bed and he was on his belly and I was on my back and he was right beside me and I had my hand up craddling his face.. and we were just laying there.. and then all of a sudden I feel these tears falling on my arm.. so I just hugged him and rubbed his back and the back of his head and he just cried.. and it was so hard. And then he pulled back and told me he loved me and gave me a tight hug.. and we stayed like that for like 5 minutes and I told him to cry until he feels better.. and he nodded.. and he gave me a kiss on the cheak.. and it was just incredibily hard! Because no matter what, I'll always love him.. but it's not like the in love love.. but still.. it meant a lot for him to come to me.. after all the shit we have been through.. and how we don't even talk nearly as often as we did.. and he told me he's so thankful he can talk to me about this stuff.. and he said that everything I said made perfect sence... And it just meant A LOT that he needed me at the moment.. it makes me feel appreciated... I would still do anything for him.. But I hope Emily realized that she loves Ryan more.. because if she doesn't, she's really losing out. He wished his car did break down cuz if he had that instead of his momma's (Donna/my 2nd mom) he'd slept over. Our friendship is an truly amazing one.. and I'm glad I have the chance to experience it. We reminissed earlier about the "gang" and I showed him poems he wrote from 6th or 7th grade that I got from his one ex that was gonna throw them away.. he was so suprised I had them.. We went through a lot of my pictures.. and I told him I'm gonna make him a montege of all the times we've had from 5th grade till now.. He's excited and I think that cheered him up a tad. It just felt so neat to be needed once again.. I remember writing about a month ago how I felt Ryan and I would end up together in the long run.. I no longer feel that way.. but as I sit here right now writing all of this.. I recall saying how it will be when both of our hearts are broke and the time is right.. scary.. I almost don't want things to happen that way.. Who knows.. but he ended up leaving around 2:20.. LoL I love him to death.. I wish you all could just spend atleast 5 minutes with him and you would see what I mean.. He's one of the best guys I know and he deserves the best. He wants to do somethin tomorrow, so i might show up and chill till his Donna gets home and then we can take her new car out *yay!* It's just like old times when we were inseperable! ~Ash N Ry~ Forever Friends~
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