Just a year ago I was so happy, continuously happy. Happy, happy, happy... I mean I'm generally a happy kind of person, the kind that doesn't get headaches and is always ... well, happy. Even during my down times, I knew just what to do - reliable little secrets to pick myself up at any moment. I would go for a walk, or I would put on music, or I would stretch, or I would light my candles. My little magic spells have always worked.... Not anymore.
Everything makes me cry. Even the air I breathe. It makes me sad. It's like an ocean of sadness flooded my brain. That happens in winter, during the dark days, I know it's the seasonal stuff, but it's never EVER happened in the summer! I get sick all the time. I get tired all the time. I get angry all the time. When I cross the street I wish a car would just hit me so all of it would just end. It drives the drivers crazy! I get scared of myself sometimes.
I don't have time for my friends, and even if I do get to meet them, if I ever have a spare hour, I'm afraid I'll snap and act rude. I've been alone for too long, I've forgotten what it's like to be considerate. Even dance doesn't make me happy anymore. Well, I still enjoy it, but it's become my prison cell - it's the reason why I'm here, and it is to blame... If it weren't for dance, I could just leave it all behind and go home and be happy again, but I can't because I can't enough of it - dance... I know I'll never be perfect, nobody is, but it's my chance to get closer, and closer, every day, every class I get better. It is an obsession, I can't stop. I know I'll miss it crazy when I go, but the rest of the day is hell... Every day is hell...
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