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XxlonligirlxX (xxremediexx) wrote,
@ 2003-08-19 17:08:00
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    Current mood: pissed off
    Current music:deafening silence...

    more hate to consume...
    Michelle hasnt called...I dont think she's going to...
    I dont know why I cant hold on to people...I think there's something wrong with me...
    I wish the people who didnt like me would tell me why they didnt like me so that I could fix it....I hate dwelling in this pain...
    I hate knowing how happy everyone else is with someone else, like shan..I miss her so much..I am happy she has sara..but I'm fuckign jealous...I will never have anyone like that..I will never have anyone...I cant be happy for anyone much as I try..would someone please tell me what the fuck is so unlovable about me?

    last night I went to the beach with Sara..we saw shooting stars..I think I was happy for about 10 minutes..then I got sick because I hadnt eaten all day and I had two cigarettes...then Sara and I cuddled and I was happy again for about five minutes...and then I felt dumb...and Michelle still hadnt called...

    I cant wait to leave this place...not that it will be better anywhere else...there'll still be women to swoon over and stupid obsessions that I dont deserve to have...poetry ..
    I fucking hate girls...which I guess is good, cuz they hate me too...

    I have to go fucking clean my room and vacuum and do shitloads of laundry because my mom has deicded that it all needs to be done before I go to school...I have to clean shit and then I hae to drive my fucking mother to go pick up her car...I want to die...I'm in the worst mood I've been in in a long time...something drastic must occur otherwise I fear I'll never snap out of this...
    what's worse is that I write all this shit...pour my heart out to an empty screen..and I never even get any comments on this god forsaken journal..which means, quite frankly that no one cares to console me...
    that adds to everything wonderfully...

    fucking needs to end...

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