|Current mood:|| blah|
|Current music:||Nirvana-About a Girl|
Is it bad to feel bored with someone?
It's not like I don't love him anymore or something. I'm just sick of everything always being the same. Like the other night, I waaas suppose to be staying at his house for once, but he of course has to come up with a reason for me not to. Which ended up being he went into work at 12 today, instead of when he was originally going to at 4. The thing I didn't get was why it mattered, since we were going to leave his house at 9 anyway. I was also going to go with him when he went to play golf, he got out of that too. I keep begging him for something new. We NEED to do something new together, and he keeps putting it off, and I'm really sick of it. he doesn't get it. I try to offer up Fishing, The Beach, The Pool, ANYTHING. And he won't ever do anything, it's was dinner or movies.
He made me really mad the other night, we went to eat at my restaurant, and I wasn't even hungry, but he made me feel bad for like not being hungry and wanting to go eat with him, so I went. He ordered wings, and ragin cajun fries. He ate more fries than me, and the wings were all his, and then he made ME pay for. And he get's all loud cuz I protested to it, cuz I didn't even wanna go out to eat and he blurts out.."And how many hundreds of dollars have I spent on Us eating??" AT My Work Place. >.> Jerk, so yea, then i paid the damn $17 for the dinner I didn't even eat most of. So he could pay a whole $7.50 for my movie ticket. RIGHT. Really fucking fair.
A lot of what he does now just annoys me, and I get sick of him. I'm bored with doing the same shit all the time, I wanna do something different. He bitches that he can't just lay around, then Fine, find something active that we can do together. Cuz anything I offer Up isn't good enough. But fucking do SOMETHING.
He wrote this whole blog about what's love and he says "Also where do we draw the line between a dead end or just rough times?" I'd really like that to be answered and he says "t feels like forever when your away from them, and too short when your with them; it feels like time stops when you look into each other's eyes and kiss. Along with many other unmentioned examples, that is what i beleve love is to me." Now, I get that feeling, with him, he knows I do, cuz "I always want more", but yet he can seemingly get sick of me, and want to stay away from me, so does he not love me? Cuz there is such a thing as too much time with me? And he says "Well it all begins with trust! If we do not have trust what are we left with? Ill tell you fights, arguments, and eventually the break up." and he knows I don't trust him, and he knows I have PLENTY of reasons, not to. I think he needs to read his own writing and think. Cuz if he seriously thought that way, things would be a fuck of a lot different.
I asked my mom about it, if you're bored with someone, does it mean, you like don't like them anymore. She said pretty much, cuz it means you have either lost interest, or don't have anything in common, or don't really like them. I think if you really love someone you couldn't get bored of them, right? Or atleast if you really loved each other, and liked spending time together, you would always find a way to, a way to keep thing interesting and fun. Not feel like you're a married couple yet have the second month of your relationship on Loop play back. Ya Know? You would want to include them in things you do, then you'd have more to talk about atleast, more memories to share. Not a relationship where you're constantly doing the same thing over and over to where you can't tell one time hanging out apart from the others, it's just all the same. But it doesn't matter what I do, to try and get him to do something ELSE with me, he never will. It's like I'm going to have to scream at him that I'm bored with him, and if he thinks I'm going to stay on stand by to allt he other shit in his life FOREVER he's horribly mistaken. I don't know what to do anymore, nothing works, just asking him for something new together, always gets shot down. It's like I'm going to have to beat him over the head and drag him off somewhere to get him to do anything different.
Then he tells me, that I suck up all his time. That I don't allow him to hang out with his friends, cuz I always want to be with him, every free night he has. He hasn't said anything to me about wanting to hang out with them, or possible plans to. He went out with people from work, some April chick not too long ago, and went to some party his friend Heather had not too long ago either, though I REALLY didn't care for him hanging out with Heather, cuz I know they have history, and there's still the attraction there, boyfriend or girlfriend or not, people get drunk and do Stupid things, and he's the LEADING example of that with his numerous times he's told me he's hated me, while drunk, and broken up with me, and made out with Mary, when we were dating. Sure you love me, and care about me, and "want to be with me", but he's certainly has some Major Issues acting like it through most of our relationship. And No, I don't care for him going out with people and getting wasted cuz then i have to worry "What stupid thing is he going to do to hurt me this time?" Ya Know. But it's not like I'm telling him "You can't hang out with your friends, you're all mine" it's just if we have plans, I expect him to uphold them, not just bail of them cuz he can go do something else...
It's really not fair.
I really don't deserve any of it.
I think I've been pretty fucking good to him, with him.
Sticking by him through all the bullshit.
Giving him all these chances.
Letting him tell me, he'll "make it up". Which he never really does, e just gets back into his comfort zone of, "We're hanging out, we're eating out, she's letting me sleep over, we're going to the movies" but then I always end up being bitchy to him after a lil bit, and we end up fighting, but it's not really my fault, it's still his, for never making anything up, never doing what he says he's going to...
I don't know, I'm just really tired of it.
And Not Answering my phone when he'd call me after Tuesday, was just way too easy, i was seriously done.
I don't know if I was really ready to give this all ANOTHER go. Just to still be dissapointed. Just for everything to still be the same, just to have to wait till the next time he gets drunk and does something to hurt me.
"If he's not willing to change, why should you be willing to stick around and suffer ya know?
HE'S the only one who can change how honest he is. you telling him over and over isnt gonna make it happen.
that's where he gets the naggy annoying thing from.
no body likes being told what to do.
or even worse, what they CANT do."