|Current mood:|| restless|
|Current music:||Eminem....."Mocking Bird"|
I can't sleep....nothing new though...my neighbors are doing a really good job of keeping me up tonight....I thought that they had kids that go to school? hmmm....anyways...I have alot on my mind..I was wondering if anyone believed in Karma? I know I do.....what goes around comes back around..I have so much on my mind about my ex...he just had a baby boy the 15th of this month with the "mistress" which is his live-in "girlfriend" now(he moved in with her)....this girl...(I will call her Miss Piggy) was my firend and she knew that we was married and wouldnot leave us alone and he is just as much to blame as she is b/c he wouldnot put a stop to it.....but she helped brake our marriage up...I can't stand the thought of my baby having a brother by this woman..and it is not the babys fault... I actually feel sorry for it..it was born premature....it was in the hospital, but he is home now.....what I am trying to say is that sometimes I sit and I think that should be me having his baby and that should be us raising our family togther.....not like this....my daughter came back home this evening from her dads....she cries b/c she sees him with that family....not me and her dad..it kills me....I hate to see my baby hurt like that and for her to wonder why her dad is not here with her and me....this is why I am on Prozac again....I know that I could never be with her dad again, but there is part of me living in my past and I am tryin my hardest to move on with myself....but I can't help but to sit and think about all of the times we had togther..knowing that Miss Piggy can never take all that away from me....I have been in love with my ex since I was 13 and I am now 23...thats a long ass time.....I was in love with my ex all through jr. high and high school...but never told him how I felt about him until he graduated in 98..thats when we got together....but back to what I was talkin about....I was so good to him..like no other...and he left me for the town whore who has been with every guy in town, his cousins, and his brother.....and she has slept with everyone of my guy cousins...wtf?...u know ..how could he have any respect for her?...or himself?...he had a great wife at home...he always came home to supper,breakfast,clean house,clean clothes,to a loving family,and I gave him good love....I just don't understand what I did wrong...but this is where the karma comes in guess....I wonder if they will be happy ..I wonder if they will stay together...I just wonder what happened to me will happen to them...will someone come along and tear them visciously apart? god I sure hope so...lol....just to let them see what pain I have went through...Miss Piggy think thats he has changed...lol...wtf ever...she has caught him 3 times with 3 diff girls...she caught him with one in the bed...eww god....he left her for me after we got divorced....so I don't think that he has changed one bit....Miss Piggy thinks that he will never do her wrong or leave her like he did me...she braggs about it....she laughs about it....they are engaged and are supposed to get married this May....whatever...lol...it may happen and the same thing might happen to her what happened to me.....she might be in my shoes in another 5 yrs. down the road....who knows....god bless I am so sorry to ramble on and to bore the hell out of u ppl but I have to vent....but I don't see God lettin them be happy...you just don't do that to ppl and get by with it and live happily ever after....I just don't see God allowing that.......Who else believes in Karma?