| Current mood: |  cold |
| Current music: | penelope-pinback |
hi
deleted all the other crap
im starting over
things have changed
heres 2 poems i wrote
X-Cutter
I used to cut
To free myself from pain
I used to cut but then it all felt the same
Cutting lead to
Crying lead to
Lying about it
I felt like I was dying inside
People found out
Then were concerned
Why couldn’t they see it before?
If they were my friends
They would’ve seen it in my eyes
As my soul cried out
For someone to care
I wrote it on my body
But not for people to stare
It wasn’t a fad
It wasn’t to be cool
It was for me and not for you
You’ll never understand
Unless you know
How it feels to be alone
But I found a better way
To stop this internal pain
I gave my sorrows away
Hoping they burn and decay
Never will I see them again
I’m proud of I am becoming
Pulling away from what I used to be
And emerging anew
Joyful girl zero
joyful girl zero
etches pathways
wants nothing but to live
nothing but to feel
nothing but to see the red
be at last the beauty blood
cry from out of jailed tears
joyful girl zero
knows she's loved
knows she has a lot to live for
knows she has a lot going
knows she has no real problems
thinks she has no real issues
just a middle class
suburban teenager
pre-obsessed with ink lines
fading into scratches
which slowly
drips
into
cuts
she wants everyone to see
she wants no one to know
the satisfaction she feels
the shame in which she glows is
too unbearable
she wants to see
the skin rip apart
curiosity and the lack of fear
intertwined with terror
she wanted to be twisted
to destroy some projected image
to prove that she could feel
now she feels too much
with nothing to blame
she has everything to cry for
with too many reasons to go on
she has nothing to die for
feeling only desperate
caged in and afraid
wanting to stop wanting to be sane
having no desire to quit
searching everywhere so that she
could somehow read herself
in someone else's books
reassured, only to go back
to the fact that she's so joyful
and this girl is simply zero
numb, pathetic,
and all too afraid of pain
to stop the crisscrosses
that run a track of horror
in deliberate red streaks
across her skin
lemme no wat u think
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