It's gone...
Already I can not talk to her, I cant bring up what I am dying to say. It's kinda weird, it took me monthes to open up but only about a day to basically close back up. I kinda want to just IM all the shit running through my head at her at once, when she is away so she cant reply, so I know that everything that need to be said was brought up and I can completely forget about it. However when ever I move to type it out I get shakey and sick, can't do it... but I want to. Maybe I will just copy and past a bit of it out of here that refers to the isse and tidy it a bit.. I dont know. She is closed up already too... so much can change at the hands of the uncaring. I feel like I should care less but at the same time more. I know that I hardly ever care enough especailly concerning deaths, I am going to lose a member of my family for the first time this year most likely and I dont know how it would feel, I dont know how I will react and that scares me. Shouldnt I be upset and shit? A friend of the family, a guy I have known since I was little died awhile ago, and I didnt cry I just kinda forgot ever hearing the news. I dunno I guess that was my examples of how I dont care enough, or how I lack the proper emotional response.
My chest feels tight......
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