Star No Star (xstarxnoxstarx) wrote, @ 2003-01-12 23:43:00

fall into the clouds grab the closure you need to breathe
Fuck?
No, not quite... I held it together. I didn't cut.
I want to say I've been feeling fine, but I dont want to lie to myself. I feel kinda sad.
Asked her thousands of questions this weekend, found out new and old info... but then she left, better people came along. But I was okay, ran out of questions anyway. Didn't want her to ask me any... I am not an open person.
I hear all the horror stories from my friends, tales of pain. I hear of abuse, suicide, rape, eating disorders, cutting and so much more. I dont want them to hurt. I dont want anyone to hurt. Everytime someone hurts I wish it was me, I am meaningless they on the otherhand are wonderful amazing humans who dont deserve that treatment. As long as they are smiling/happy/okay/safe I dont care about me. Hurt me not them, Im just worthless no one will notice.. no one needs to notice. I will make it through I promise, just let them be.
I think everything is over... just over no other way to say it, its over... but I dont know. I cant explain how it feels to know that this is it, nothing more will ever come of this. This is as good as it gets. It cuts deep knowing that these are the best four years of my life, and I cant wait for them to be over.... but I am over.
Choking on the english language.....
goodnight to me

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