Remy (xremyx) wrote, @ 2012-04-15 23:42:00

He called me on my cellphone and he asked me to step out of the office.

Outside, he explained to me that even though there weren't
any cutbacks in the plan, there had been some "emergency" cutbacks.
Cutbacks in development.

Development is your core.
No matter how good your tech support, your marketing, your product management...
If support suffers, everyone suffers.

We are now tasked with moving the company forward.
We've been given about 8 months to turn it around.
We have to fix all of our problems to gain breathing space.

And the end of the roadmap is "Well, let's see if these bug-fixes
and enhancements can convince our new parent company
to invest in more development personnell to actually move forward."

Basically: if we can't makes this work...
If we can't fix this. It's the end of the company.
It's over.
If development can't fix these problems...
We don't just lose a couple customers, but it's over for the company.
Everyone's going to lose their job if we can't make it.

So, my boss called me.
And he asked me to step out...
To tell me this... to explain why 2 people got cut.
Considering all of this, there was a spot...
A hugely relieving spot... that said to me,
"If you lose your job... it's not all bad... it's a new start."

But I didn't lose my job.
I get to stay in development.

"It's up to you to move us forward."
That's what he said to me.
The fate of the company hangs on the performance
of the development crew... all 3 of us.

3 of us...
The 80 person company falls apart if the 3 of us fail.
And it's really one man + 2 juniors.

My boss apologized to me.
He said he needed me to work harder.
And he told me that the raise I was about to get is no longer.
He told me to brace myself.

So, yeah, it's a lot of pressure.
It's a helluva lotta pressure.
This is make it or break it.

I don't feel good about it.
Even if we do well...
Even if I do well.... product management?
They're not gonna deliver!

So.
I'm on this sinking ship.

The part that I hate is Natalie worrying.
I know that if this falls apart, I'll be fine.
But she doesn't. She thinks it's game over.
But the worst case scenario in ALL of this?
I'm out of a job, but got a ton of money in the bank.

So, fine, we can't move in.
How painful is ths really?

I know you want what you want.
But we have to do it within our limits...
We'll be fine because our paths worked ANYWAY.
Me losing my job, me quitting my job is STILL on the path.

You know what the problem is?
The problem is me worrying about Natalie worrying about how happy I am.
You know what I realized? I'm less like a dog and more like a cat.
And you know what? There are tons of happy cat owners.

Let me go out at night, and I'll be back.
Sure, maybe I could get run over by a car.
But you know what? I probably won't.
Just let me be a cat. That's what I want.

I'm done with this planning, this constant optimizing.
Everyone else just goes with the flow, and it works for them.
I'm ready to do the same.
I can steer myself when I see something nice nearby, too.

That's... good enough.
It has to be... because I'm at the end of my rope.
I'm letting go.

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