|Current mood:|| guilty|
|Current music:||alkaline trio-fatally yours|
skankin nirvana kitties.?
i feel rly shitty right now. i read mickeys diary and i tried to leave comments about how sorry i was that all of this shit kinda happened or w/e. it wont rly let me make comments for some weird reason cuz it says i have to verify my email adress or some shit like that. anyone kno wat 2 do?
hmm. so yeah. i feel really bad for julia and my not being friends anymore making alli and mickey suffer cuz things wont be the same. i dont necessarily care that julia and i arent friends anymore cuz it was a mutual thing but i feel really bad for making things more difficult or w/e. it doesnt mean that we cant hang out with e/o anymore ...it just might be a lil difficult cuz they will have to make plans with me one day adn her another day or something. i realized how much things have changed over the summer....some good changes and some bad. i really dunno. it seems like in forever have i talked ot julia and i kinda missed the way it used to be....but im not gonna bend over backwards for her and apologize for the way i felt..and i think its a lil bit immature for us to be fighting about some stupid journal entry...but that was basically a journal entry that kinda reflected how she felt about friends or w/e and made it seem like the end of the world when i was still around and i was spossedly "her bestest friend"? hmm. its all really dumb but this was bound to happen sooner or later. and i want everyone to realize that ppl do grow apart....ppl do change...and wheather or not u want it to happen. it will. i certainly dont appreciate ppl saying shit about me either...so i chose not to be friends with that person and just live my life with the wonderful ppl i still have. im truly sorry to anyone who feels this drama as sort of uncomfortable and unbearing but plz try to understand, sometimes its not that we'd rather not be friends..its the fact that we have both changed alot and have done alot of immature things which id rather not mention for the sake of julia and i cuz it was pretty fucking dumb yet she still denies doing her part. oh well and w/e. wat can i do?
no matter what, my awesome friends are the ones ultimately suffering and i realize that. i just really dont kno what to do cuz im obviously not gonna apologize for anything i said cuz she had said some fucked up stuff to so i dont feel i need to. but before i knew about it i called her house to apologize but she had paige pick up the phone cuz she knos i dont like her or something...which was immature to do once AGAIN. but u kno...ive gotta let ppl make their own choices and hers was to not talk to me and thats perfectly fine. but im not gonna try again to repair a friendship that wasnt working half the time anyways and a friendship that the other person wont take some of the blame for making it end and thats fine for me. im over it but when i read mickeys diary and it says that i just feel horrible cuz i love my friends to death and the last thing i want is to make them feel badly for something julia and i did ourselves. id rather not talk about this whole fight thing but i kinda feel it needs to be adressed in a way to make my friensd understand WHY it ended...and i took my part in it too...only other ppl did not and STILL to this day think that they were completely innocent of this.
but remember...it takes TWO friends to end a friendship and become enimies. one to put the blame, one to ignore the other when trying to fix something...and one of those ppl to not be mature about it and to not talk shit. but we both did immature thigns and id rather not say cuz ppl will just deny it. so w/e. i just wish we were all a lil bit more understanding b/c none of this would have happened if we were being more mature and understanding of the others feelings. but then again its over and im fine with that now. i just wanted to say sorry to my friends who have to deal with the fact that we wont have the same group of friends anymore...but thats the fault of two ppl but im gonna apologize for my part. i love my friends soo much and im truly sorry i had to put them through this. =0
i luv u guys!