|Current mood:|| depressed|
This tired book...this organ donar...
Well i didn't have reason to update till i innocently im'ed a "friend" and he fucking spazzed on me. Public entries are public for a reason so don't fucking tell me i'm stalking her. goddamn.
And i hate it when people pretend to understand so much about shit they haven't got a clue about bc they've never experienced it first hand. Like si. And eating disorders. People really need to fucking stop shit like that. I don't know why it pisses me off so much.
He just apologized for spazzing. I feel bad for getting upset now too. I apologized back. I hate this fucking shit. I feel like im hiding so goddamnmuch.
Why does chris insist on confuzing the shit out of me. telling me how i'm "so special, and so beautiful". After he broke my heart, fooled around with two of my friends, cheated on everyone in the fucking world, dated my best friend knowing he hurt me like fukin crazy, used me and conned me into things i regret and block out of my memory, plays with everyones mind, uses everyone else, is a total nympho, and isn't true to himselve. Why does he insist on saying this shit to me, three years after the fact? It has no affect now. it has no meaning. Your three years too late, chris. You aren't wanted in my heart anymore.
That goes for larry too. stay out.
And sam. you never were really 'in" my heart...but you got close. i don't know how...after all my talk of keeping emotions and my heart out, having the relationship not be serious. You still...somehow...part of you meant so much to me.It sounds so ridiculous like that but it's true. Part of you i couldn't stand. But part of you meant so much. I guess that's why i never let you go. And waited for the day you'd let me go. (ha, for some bleach blonde big racked jlo assed ho) And i'm still not mad at you. Go figure. (even after you klepto'd half my shit and rumour has it you gave it away to other chix) I'd be your friend. (Kind of hard, since your' avoiding me. don't know why. thought it should be the other way around. yknow, considering who did the breaking up with who...) But hey, if you wanna run down the hallway the other way when you see me that's your choice. I have a life and a heart of my own and you stay out of it.
I really need some sleep.