I think every parent spends their days hoping that their children never have to go anything that will bring them sadness or pain. Hearing that there is something your child can never change that might bring them pain is the worst feeling you'll ever have. Ever.
For the past week or so I've been watching Lily. I was noticing that she didn't respond to sound only touch. She slept through everything and never got upset by loud noises. Christophers crying never got her riled up. Yesterday we went to Disneyworld. As we were entering the parking lot we got honked at. Christopher flipped out, Lily slept. We went on our rides and then we sat down to watch the fireworks. Christopher again, freaked out. Bawling and screaming like mad. Lily, didn't flinch.
I had to tell Chris finally about what i'd been afraid to admit. He wanted to take her right then and there to the hospital, so we went. After a bunch of tests and a bunch of medical mumbo jumbo we heard words we never thought we'd hear. . . "Lily is deaf."
I flipped out. Not because shes deaf. Because I know that she isn't going to be treated like other kids. Because I know that she is going to get teased. Becuase I know Christopher is going to have to work twice as hard to stand up for his sister. Becuase I'm afraid Christopher will resent her at times. There are so many things that will hurt her as a result of her being deaf and I can't handle that. I don't want to see my child in pain. I dont want to sit at home with her while she cries because she has a crush on a boy and he doesnt like her because she's deaf. I spent the whole night crying. I cried all in my sleep. I woke up this morning looked in Lily's eyes and I ran to the bathroom. I vomited and fell into a fit of tears again. I just see the innocence in her eyes and I dont want to see her upset ever.
Chris and I talked alot today. We are going to start learning sign language and teaching Christopher sign language now. We're going to some specialists and spend time looking at facilities and what not to make sure that we give her every opportunity she wants to take. I love my daughter. I love her more than life itself, and I never want to see her in pain. . .
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