| Current mood: |  sad |
| Current music: | On Bended Knee - Boyz II Men |
Walking through this journey alone...
Where should I start off, this has been the most depressing and stressing day of my life. I mean once in my life I actually found someone who really loved me for me, who I am from the inside and out. The love of my life, the one who I want live my life through the fullest days by walking in this world with her has now left me. And now I'm here alone in the world, walking through this journey alone. It happened like a thunderstrike, in an instant I was really happy, really in love and then after a blink of an eye, everything was taken away from me. I can't make excuses of what happened and I have to accept the fact that I cheated. I don't even want to explain it because I've got messages by people and responses of how I'm a scum of the earth. *shakes head and bites lip*
I couldn't sleep last night especially when I realized I slept in the bed while Christina slept on the couch. I don't deserve to sleep on the bed and I would of rather slept outside, in the cold where I belong. I had a nightmare where my foot was covered in concrete and I see Christina calling out for my name, for help, and I tried all I can to try to help her but I couldn't and then I see people, who I don't want to give out their names, making fun of me. *tries to hold out from crying* I guess I deserve this nightmare and more to come. But even though I don't deserve the people who are helping me through this, I feel that they are in my life for one thing, as my friends, my brothers and sisters, my love ones. Chris Carrabba, Jani, Lena, and Lance, thank you for your guidance and your lending shoulder during this time of my weakness, I love you guys with all my heart. *sighs and looks over to the mountains* I hope God isn't playing with me by placing me in this beautiful place with everything life has to offer except for the love of my life. *sighs* I miss her already, I love her with all my heart and soul and I wish I can turn the hands of time and correct everything but I can't. I'm sorry for everything and to everyone and I've tried talking to some people but they already had their minds set to a conclusion. I hope I can talk to her and I hope we can patch things up because that's what I really want to do.
On Bended Knee
by Boyz II Men
Darlin' I can't explain
Where did we lose our way
Girl it's drivin' me insane
And I know I just need one more chance
To prove my love to you
If you come back to me
I'll guarantee
That I'll never let you go
Chorus:
Can we go back to the days our love was strong
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong
Can somebody tell me how you get things back
The way they use to be
Oh God give me a reason
I'm down on bended knee
I'll never walk again until you come back to me
I'm down on bended knee
So many nights I dream of you
Holding my pillow tight
I know I don't need to be alone
When I open up my eyes
To face reality
Every moment without you
It seems like eternity
I'm begging you, begging you come back to me
Chorus
Gonna swallow my pride
Say I'm sorry
Stop pointing fingers the blame is on me
I want a new life
And I want it with you
If you feel the same
Don't ever let it go
You gotta believe in the spirit of love
It can heal all things
We won't hurt any more
No I don't believe our love's terminal
I'm down on my knees begging you please
Come home
Chorus
Wanna build a new life
Just you and me
Gonna make you my wife
Raise a family....
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