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Loser (xnoxliesx) wrote,
@ 2005-01-03 05:27:00
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    Current mood:happy

    on new years eve i had a party at my house. nothing big, only 8 people. everything started off okay, i had three drinks and became a little horny, took my boyfriend to my cousin's room, made out for 10 mins than someone knocked on the door. came out...whatever, whatever. went back in and someone knocked again and cause someone was looking for their cell phone. finally, went up to my room and 10 later my fire alarm went off. someone was being a moron and than my boyfriend had to leave. when he kissed me good bye and i said 'i love you...dont say anything just go.' i wanted him to say it back but he didnt. so i was grabbed my cell cause i wanted to call someone who did love me. and i didnt find anyone. gay gay! chris stayed for my moron friend and they fucked on my little cousin's bed...twice. i called my boyfriend at 12:30 and we talked, i told him after he left that i told our friend that i wanted to break up with him and he took it as 'i told chris that i WANT to break up with you.' when i said 'i told chris that i wantED to break up with you.' so he thought i broke up with him and he didnt say anything so i said 'do you have anything to say?' him:'what can i say?' in my head: well you can ask why.' i didnt know he thought we broke up. so whatever. went up and told chris that his (my bf) is a asshole and...than he called chris. apparently he was crying saying that im the best thing that he'll ever have and that he really cars about me and that he doesnt know what to do and that i hung up on him. and chris said 'dude well call her back and tell her what you just told me' and he said 'are you sure?' chris:'yeah you totally have to and tell her what you told me.' so he called and said 'i just wanted you to know that i care about you a lot and that you're the best thing i have ever had.' me:(kinda sounding mean)'okay whatever.' we hung up he called chris back and he told him 'dude i told her and she didnt care all she said was okay. its over.' so we (my moron friend and chris) talked for a while and moron friend says:he knows he loves you even if he cant say it he does i know he does.' so she called him and told him he needs to call me and tell me hes sorry for whatever he did and that if i tell him what he did wrong that he'll try to find it and that he really does care about me and that if he does really feel that way that i'll know. and that he needs to not take me for granted. so whatever apparently he was crying when he was talking to moron too. so i went to the kicten for food and then went back up sat with chris and moron. called my mom, she was on her way home so deanna and chris had to stay upstairs and the two other people had to go to my cousin's room, went up staris to turn off the light and chris gave me the cell, it was the bf and when my mom walked in she went to her room and i stayed in the living room on the cell with bf. he told him that he was trying to call me but that he didnt get throught so he called chris and than we walked and i told him the only reason i told him that not to say anything cause i wanted him to say it when he was ready. than he said he's been thinking about saying it for weeks but he didnt want me not to believe me and whatever, and that i always talk about how people say it way too soon and that its only been 3 and a half months. so he didnt wanna say anything. so he goes 'i (pause)' me:' no dont even say it cause you dont seem ready.' him: ' i wanna say it but i dont want you think that im only saying it because you said it, i dont want you to second guess it if something happens between us.' so to make a longgg story short...'i dont care if you dont believe me, i dont care if you reject me, i love you.' i didnt say anything cause i was SHOCKED, TOTALLY TOTALLY AMAZMED! i couldnt believe he said it and without pausing. it was soo great i couldny stop smiling. and than when i didnt...i said 'relieved or confused' him: 'relieved cause i finally told you how i feel and i dont care if you believe me or not cause i know how i feel' that made me smile again. and then we explained to each other how we dont want it to be a casul thing and how we dont need to reply and one of us say it cause it isnt something that you have to response to. it isnt like 'whats up?' you dont need something to follow. plus we can say it when it feels right. he may think its during and show. i may think it would be perfect to say it during a movie. and we agreed it isnt how many times you say it its how you say it and when you say it. that makes it important. i have to admit thought i dont think hes could say it enough and im gonna wanna say it EVERYTIME i look at him. cause to be honest im the one whos blunt. he isnt too open about hes feels. he doesnt care who knows that he feels the way he feels. its just he doesnt wanna have to say it out loud. he wants it to be understood. anyway...i also told him that sometimes i feel like im trying so hard and it seems like he isnt trying at all. and he said 'im sorry that it seems that way, i thought i was trying my hardest but i'll try harder and i dont want you think im taking you for granted and if you did think that im sorry.' so that was cool. we got off the phone at 4ish and i fell to sleep at 2 (jan1) and got up at 6. called chris and the bf so we could chill. my dad took me to the movies and i watched them skate til 10:50. bf went home and mike, me and chris went to mike's gf's house, we played this random card game, i had like 5/6 beers. we walked around, chris threw up and we walked to mike's car and he says to me 'hey dont throw up in my car.' we got to chris' we were getting ready for bed and i felt eww so i went to pee and came, back up and than i had to vomit so i went back to the bathroom, i did..twice. went back up layed down and i felt it again so i went down to the bathroom again and eww two more times. went up called my mom and she came. got home vomited a couple more times, took a shower and fell asleep and woke up at 4:30 (jan2).did nothing but watch tv and talked to my cousin and ate like crazy. talked to the bf and...yeah thats it.

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