School is going shitty due to the fact I shut the world out for a week. For what reason seemed to make sense at the time I was doing it. Seriously.... fuck, I hate the ups and downs I go through on a daily basis. Yet, I love them at the same time. I was feeling so good about life this morning but somewhere things just started to feel shitty again and for what reason? I wish I could plan my mood swings becuase I hate having them. On one end I would consider myself bi-polar, the other I would just consider my emotions to be true reflections on how I am feeling and not make them seem like a problem... School, debts and relationships seem to be ever present in my mind. I can never seem to balance which is most important. Not that there should be 1 greater than the others becuase they are all relavent issues. I just feel overwhelmed when it comes down to it. Yet so does every other young adult facing huge changes in their lifestyle and the way they live it. I geuss I am longing for something to steady myself against.. a wall (metaphorically) or a lover.
That brings me to my next point. I just met a girl. Amazing person, who I feel that I could actually have a solid relationship with. I just can not seem to get around the fact that I will, in turn, be making myself vunerable by exposing how I feel... "laying" it on the line. All I really want is her to express her feelings. She is shy, and I dont mind. I like the contrast of our personalities... I just wish she could say, I geuss, what I say. I love the reassurance. It is very important to me, although I do not want to force that sort of thing becuase then one would fear it being false and not "meant."
Blah, I am looking for something still. Which is normal to some degree becuase I am still young, yet my mind is more mature and ready for the adult things that life has to offer. I do want to fall in love, I do want to travel and I do want to find a career that satisfies me.
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