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Matt Lovato (xmattxlovatox) wrote,
@ 2003-08-06 20:53:00
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    Current mood: drunk
    Current music:Marilyn Manson.Spade

    [ Note: Matt's drunk, but I'm not going to mess up his typing. ]

    *Falls down into the computer chair, setting an empty beer case and a letter by my side, logs into blurty and begins to type*

    I should just throw a huge self pitty party and be done with it. Jere and Billy are happy though, I'm not going to ruin what they have because I feel dead on the inside... I wish them the best, and I'm not lying through my teeth, I really do want them to be happier than fuck together.

    It's probably not a very good idea for me to be drunk right now, who knows what I'm going to do. I'm probably going to start bitching in a few moments, saying how horrible I feel and how I wish I never met some people. I'm going to try and refrain from doing that... Right now I'm one of those people that will hurt other people just to make my pain fade slightly. That's not going to happen, I'm going to be a cold bastard for a while in my eyes. Just when I thought that everything was grand and fucking jolly, my life has to, yet again, shatter before me.

    Sitting here complaining and moaning isn't going to help anything. I could never speak to Jere again, I could go out and try to get him back, I could do all this shit... but I'm not going to. I want more than anything to go to sleep and erase this moment in time, forget it ever happened, but that isn't going to happen either. I could start talking about how much I hate Billy and Jere right now. I could do that, Hell I even might. But I don't want to be that kind of person, I've done stunts like that before...

    I only have one thing left to say... Billy, you treat Jere right. If you ever hurt him in any way, I'll fucking break your legs.

    *Reads over the words, nothing but a large black blur to me. Picks up the letter that Jere wrote, soon crumpling it up into a tiny ball and gets up, walking to the kitchen to find something else to drown my hurt in*

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