|Current mood:|| contemplative|
|Current music:||back to you.|
Tonight.~Though lately, I can't blame you. I have seen the world, and sometimes wish your room had room for two..~
*Spend all your time waiting, for that second chance..for a break that would make it okay. There's always one reason to feel not good enough, and it's hard at the end of the day. I need some distraction--oh beautiful release. Memory seeps from my veins..let me be empty, and weightless, and maybe I'll find some peace tonight. In the arms of an angel, fly away from here. From this dark cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear. You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie. You're in the arms of the angel--may you find some comfort here. So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn there's vultures and thieves at your back. And the storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lie..that you make up for all that you lack. It don't make no difference, escaping one last time. It's easier to believe in this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees. In the arms of an angel, fly away from here. From this dark cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear. You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie. You're in the arms of the angel--may you find some comfort here. You're in the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort here. - S.M.
So I have come to the conclusion that I'll keep this as a mystery, and hide myself away. I feel this is something I can just pour everything poetic and/or dark of myself into here. I feel so strange. For some reason, I feel as though my memories of things I long to forget will not go away. They bother me and eat at my insides and fill me with so much GUILT. I need someone to rescue me. I need someone else to help me. I can't let go of the past, and when I try--my stomach lurches and turns until I realize I can't do so. The world is such a scary place, and theres nowhere for me to turn without knowing that I may cower in fear with anything I come across. My mind works in such odd ways..and no one understands me. I wish I had a friend, someone I could talk to. Someone who would be there for me. I wish people knew how it felt to not have a friend, to not have someone there for you. It breaks my heart and makes me feel worthless. 'How can you live without a friend?', I ask myself. HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITHOUT A FRIEND?!? How am I living without one?? Why have I devoted so much of my life to something that could make me throw my whole life away?? My future is so undecided, it feels like someone else is deciding it for me. And I'm scared. I'm truely scared. How do I know where to go? WHERE will I go from here? What will I do when I reach there; if, I do so?? Why is growing up so damn hard. My life has been placed in my hands, without any help, without a single shoulder for me to lean on when I need someone. When times are tough, I have no one. People have constantly abandoned me, and I still don't know why. I don't understand how people can turn their backs on me when the only wrong-doing of mine, is growing up?? I don't understand how people can break my heart and think nothing of it. I don't understand how people can be so shallow-minded that they won't even be your friend.
The world is a scary place. And I'll never be ready for it.