im in a bit of a mood. i onky write here when im in a mood, dont i? venting venting venting....
ever since last night ive been feeling a bit odd. i go out with michael every week or so. and for a while everyone has been making fun, saying we're secretly going out. i always just laughed at that but last night i felt like literally all we had to start doing was touching eachother and we'd be "going out". ive always felt (though its been stronger lately)that ive needed/wanted a man with me. i significant other, a spouse even. someone you can go out with, someone you can talk to, someone who you know will be there if you need something, someone to have sex with. to go out and be able to just be a normal couple without worrying about what date hes leaving and when he'll come back. i cant even say what im angry at because in my mind i can imagine him getting pissed and counterattacking me saying "no skar thats not fair thats not right" and i, in my head, end up nodding and sayin "yeah dan youre right youre right im sorry". so im afraif to say anything at all. and i dont want to hurt his feelings either. i sit at home and revise and i go to college and i ring people in england up all just to gosee him. i do everything in my power to be with him. and he goes out and gets drunk and....i mean i dont even know. i cant say anything cos im not there with him but i do know he failed his first year of college. i cant put into words why im mad at him but i truthfully dont even want to speak to him tonight.