ah the ol' blurty. never thought id write in this again. well...i did. i imagined id be either writing some rubbish that is short enough to not waste any energy or long enough to express some sort of sorrow. today, the second option is best.
where did things go wrong? as much as i think about it, and probably too much, i cant figure. maybe it was a mix of it all. as i drove home, i thought about the old friends i had. even the ones who i thought were friends but werent. i even entertained the thought of calling claudia, but that thought quickly disappeared after i felt her imaginary spit land on my face. besides, she prolly comes with a 2 for 1 special. buy a bitch and get a fat cunt for free. that was cheesy wasnt it? bah. i thought of all the things i used to do, the things i used to worry about. all were so trivial. well....most. i know theres something wrong with me. something that perhaps even magnifies certain worries or cares. i dont know what to write. i thought this would help me get rid of any emotion i have inside, but strangly it doesnt at all, i feel empty already. i smile when i cry now. i have been for a while.
im eating a piece of bread with some hot chocolate, i was cold. i feel slightly artistic. ever so slightly. but not enough to put energy into it. i thought i had found my mother before, but i hadnt. i wonder where she is.