|Current mood:|| depressed|
|Current music:||Morning Report With Mark & Steve, WOC AM 1420|
Death, Suicide And Politics
Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.
What are the odds that two sweathogs, Sam Drucker and Phyllis Diller would all die in the same year? Probably about the same as two prominent Republicans in the same week claiming that there is such a thing as illegitimate rape and openly admitting that their voter suppression laws are nothing more than racism.
The bright side of the latter is that there are thousands of polling stations in the US and every one of them...Or at least all the ones in Florida, Pennsylvania and Ohio...now need a White's Only sign and that creates a lot of jobs. Just don't try asking Mitt about it, because demanding to know why he outsourced those jobs to China where they are being painted by eight year old's for 25 cents a day would just be a distraction from the real issues: How we can achieve prosperity through probing vaginas, lowering his tax rate to 0% and prescribing by law how big your Big Gulp can be.
There is no bright side to the former...Unless your a rapist having trouble convincing the jury that you're innocent because she asked for it because now you can say, "Look, Congress is on my side!"...so let's move onto our next subject which is our latest celebrity suicide, Tony Scott.
A lot of people are calling it a mystery and asking, "Why did he do it?" But I think the answer is self-evident. Or answers, if you count the omnipresent underlying base reason for all suicides (Life sucks, even if you're successful) but I think the obvious straw that broke the camel's back in this case was that he looked at the polls, considered just how big a chance there is that Mitt will win this election and chose the only sane, reasonable path.
Now that we've covered all that, let's get to what's on everyone's mind this morning: The Welcome Back Kotter Curse. In only eight months we have lost Juan and Arnold and we have only two Sweathogs left, Vinnie and Freddie and who is the next to go? And how could something like this be anything but a curse?
Well, not everyone thinks so. I saw John Travolta's life insurance agent earlier and we only talked for a second, he just wanted directions to the Vincent Thomas Bridge, but he seemed pretty cool, calm and collected. Most people, though, are worried about this.
And I think it's a perfectly valid worry. Because it's going to be bad enough losing Freddie and Vinnie but is that where it stops? Can Gabe and Julie be far behind? You've probably already forgotten but this curse has already claimed Mr. Woodman. He was like the appetizer and now the curse is halfway into the main course.
Who will be dessert? The obvious answer is Rosalie "Hotsie" Totsie but if you remember, and even if you don't, the Welcome Back Kotter Curse got her in 2005 and talk about mysterious deaths...Whew, you know you are a good curse when you can stump the coroner. And the whole thing was kind of foreshadowed by her first role, which was as a nude corpse in Dirty Harry.
So who's next on the dessert list? Bambi, of course. You know, she was picked to be Chrissy in Three's Company but then things didn't work out but that's incidental. What is dental is that she took the role on Welcome Back Kotter and even though it was very small, she should now consult a Gypsy who specializes in curse removals or a good exorcist or something before it's too late.