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Greg (xander6464) wrote,
@ 2012-08-16 06:01:00
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    Current mood: depressed
    Current music:Morning Report With Mark & Steve, WOC AM 1420

    Look At All The Problems We've Had Since We Legalized Negros
    The party that gave us Dan Quayle and Sarah Palin is now trying to tell us how dumb and gaffe prone Joe Biden is. They're also saying Joe is racist...when they aren't busy erasing the voting rights of Blacks, Hispanics, seniors and anyone else who isn't rich, white and elderly (The poor elderly of any color need not apply). And they're doing it because Joe said something that was completely true and appropriate that made them look bad.

    The sad part is that these people could win. Not fairly or squarely but they could steal this election the same way George W. Bush did in 2000 and 2004. And the only potential bright side to that is Mitt is likely to completely screw up the next 911...He can't start multiple illegal wars and institute the next Patriot Act without fake justification...and accidentally start World War III, because he's not especially good at planning and organizing, and end his reign through nuclear destruction. Of everything.

    And I know that depresses some people because they see something wrong with ending the human race in the comforting glow of a mushroom cloud so I'm going to cheer them up by switching gears and taking a look at the funny side of all this. I've already mentioned Dan Quayle, Sarah Palin and Dubya and they alone should be more hilarity than any single political party is entitled to but the Republicans don't stop with them.

    There are so many, in fact, that listing them all would take way more time than we have...Especially if Mitt gets I'm just going to cover a couple that I find especially amusing. Starting with my favorite National Conservative Crackpot, Dennis Miller ( and please don't confuse him with my favorite Local Conservative Crackpot, Jim Fisher,

    Dennis thinks that Sarah Palin should be our next Secretary Of State or the Secretary Of The Interior or something like that. He also looks at guys like Charles Krauthammer and says, "Intellectual." In addition to that, he says that global warming is a hoax but he's glad that it's getting hotter because he likes warm winters (He doesn't, for some reason talk much about how the American Midwest is turning into a desert and how that will affect things like food prices and mass starvation). And last Friday, he admitted, on the air, in front of God and everybody that all the things he says about wanting to help the helpless is total BS when he said that he doesn't care what has happened to you, if you've been the victim of racism or sexism or whatever else, just shut up and take it and you don't deserve any kind of help or even compassion from anyone. Be quiet and move to the back of the bus! I don't remember his exact words but that is what he said and you can go back and listen to the show and hear it for yourself if you want.

    I could talk all night about all the stupid things Dennis says but because of the aforementioned time constraints, I'll finish up with him by saying I hope he doesn't drive himself home after the show because he's obviously been over-served. I'm also a little upset that he will be allowed to vote, even though he's not smart or sober enough to, with no problem while his Klan buddies are doing everything they can to prevent real Americans from voting but I won't even mention that because as I said, I'm here to make you laugh, not depress you.

    So let's talk about how conservatives think that Paul Ryan will wipe the floor with Joe Biden during the debates. Remember, these are the people who think Sarah Palin is sharp. And how they will still be allowed to vote anyway. Why don't we forget the whole ID thing and just make everyone pass a breathalyzer before they vote?

    Where should we go next? Rush Limbaugh? No. There are just too many punchlines and not enough time to talk about a gay drug addict with a really big mouth who derives a good deal of his income from oppressing gays and drug addicts. Luckily, what we do have time for is Floyd R. Turbo, because I can just give you a link and let him speak for himself.

    In case you are so old that you don't remember or so young that you've never heard of him, Floyd is the man from whom Rush stole his act and therefore is the model for every conservative clown that you hear today because all the Dennis' and Jim's and Sean's out there all stole their acts from Rush. The joke of course is that Floyd, just like Archie Bunker, was satire that was meant to make people think twice before saying and believing really stupid things. The tragedy is that so many people didn't and still don't get that but you can laugh about it anyway by imagining Rush or Jim or Dennis or any of the others saying, "Look at all the problems we've had since we legalized Negros!" It's almost scary how easy that is to do, that you just have to laugh, right? Then, go watch the master himself say it and get a lot of bonus laughs in the bargain:

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