|Current mood:|| depressed|
|Current music:||Morning Report With Mark & Steve, WOC AM 1420|
It's Friday The Thirteenth, You Bastards
Last night, I decided I had to quit playing The Dennis Drinking Game, which stipulates that you listen to his show (http://www.dennismillerradio.com/) and down a shot every time he says, "ObamaCare is going to fundamentally change the way we do things and that's a road we don't want to go down, folks," or some variation thereof, because I got tired of passing out before Coast (http://www.coasttocoastam.com/) starts.
And how did God reward me for all this healthy, sober, born-again wide-awake radio listening? Surprisingly, it didn't start off bad. There were a bunch of guests, including Eugene Levy and Don Rickles and that went OK. But then, just to prove that all the people who say, "The Lord Giveth and the Lord taketh away," ain't just whistling Dixie, He gave me Lord Monckton (http://bbickmore.wordpress.com/lord-moncktons-rap-sheet/).
That's when I began wishing I was drunk. I don't know if you've ever heard Chris talk...And consider yourself lucky if you haven't...and I don't want to get into a climate change debate and God knows I don't want to lecture you or tell you what to believe but if you have heard him talk and you buy any of the things he says---Global Warming is just a big money making scheme perpetrated by Al Gore, peppered with asides about how Barack Obama was not born in the US and is...SHUDDER...a Negro and how Sheriff Joe (http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/video/sheriff-joe-arpaio-could-face-justice-department-lawsuit-16319027) is doing such a great job---I want to recommend California Psychics® (http://www.californiapsychics.com/index.aspx) to you.
Because you are the type of person who is impressed by Psychics who proudly say, "I was really surprised by how rigorous and hard the screening process was." The rest of us, on the other hand, don't want to hire a Psychic who is surprised by anything because aren't Psychics supposed to be able to see the future instead of being surprised by it like the rest of us? Aren't we paying them to take the surprise factor out of the process and how can they do that if they themselves are surprised?
Anyway, if the overwhelming preponderance of the evidence of global warming doesn't convince you and you like people like Lord Monckton and Psychics who are surprised by the difficulty of job interviews who tell you what want to hear rather than the truth...And for the record, I agree with them when they that a few overly warm days does not a climate change make but this is way more than a few warm summers...I urge you to get on a boat, go to the Arctic Ocean and take a good hard long look at the shipping lanes that are open for the first time in human history (http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/18/business/global/warming-revives-old-dream-of-sea-route-in-russian-arctic.html?pagewanted=all).
And forget all the arguments over who and what is causing it. What we need to do is start listening to what Art Bell began saying more than a decade ago, "We need to figure out how to adapt to it before it kills everyone." That is if you think the human race is worth saving, which you probably don't if you had a Thursday The Twelfth like mine.
Listening to Conservatives who think that changing a country where corporate profits are at a record high while wages are at a record low is a bad thing and climate change is imaginary. I did listen to Ed and Rachel first but that high only lasted until Lord Nazi came on and hopelessly blurred the line between comedy and tragedy. But that's all spilled milk, old, soured and long since flowed under the bridge now that isn't worth crying over and it's time to raise the curtain on Friday The Thirteenth.
And not a moment too soon, because Fifi, my Sommelier, has been dying all day to unveil this, the Theme Drink she created for tonight:
Lucky Friday The Thirteenth Stiff
2 oz Gin
2 oz Orange Curacao
4 oz Cranberry juice
Pour over ice and stir. Simple, bright red, and very tasty.
I know, I know, I hate gin, too. But what do expect on Friday The Thirteenth?