| Current mood: |  depressed |
| Current music: | Morning Report With Mark & Steve, WOC AM 1420 |
It's Friday, You Bastards
This week we learned that Mitt "Magic Underwear (He got that nickname a long time ago when Ann discovered that all she had to do to remove the stains from his jockey shorts was turn them upside down and shake them like an Etch A Sketch)" Romney is an abortion profiteer (http://www.politicalarticles.net/blog/2012/07/03/stericycle-willard-mitt-romney-used-to-be-an-abortion-profiteer/). Now that's far from the most hypocritical thing he's ever done and to me it's a non-issue because I think we should have free---at least until we start to fix the mess we've made of this world because it's despicably immoral and unethical to create new people on purpose and stick them with it---no questions asked abortion clinics on every street corner in the world and if someone can make a profit from them, more power to them but at the same time I find it highly disturbing because I know that some people are still going to vote for him.
And it's not just that they are going to vote for him. It's a free country and you can vote for anyone you want, no matter how stupidly suicidal your choice may be but I think that a line should be drawn somewhere. And indeed, a line has been drawn. If you write in Alfred E. Neuman or Mickey Mouse, who are both fine choices as far as I can see, your entire ballot will be declared invalid. In Florida and Pennsylvania, it's even worse because you can't even write in Mickey Rooney because he's a Liberal who thinks poor people, minorities and gays are people and should have rights and that's illegal in the Sunshine and Keystone states.
So now let's draw a second line. If you're anti-abortion to the point where you think it's OK to harass patients up to and including the probing their of vagina's involuntarily and you enjoy fire-bombing clinics (Because it's what Jesus would do, right after He got done with the vagina probing) and think that murdering abortion providers is your civic duty (Because God Himself said, "Vengeance is yours!" and "Thou shalt kill!)---And really, who else would vote for Mitt?---, you can't vote for a guy who makes butt-loads of money off the practice.
And if you try, you should be declared insane and lose your right to vote. Yeah, it's all just another real world example of how and why Conservatives are too stupid to vote. If you are a Conservative, you can relax, though, because no one but me is proposing that line and even if it and even if the idea were to start catching on, look at things like slavery which we've had since day one and they're not going anywhere, so you're probably safe for the foreseeable forever, too.
I have even have more good news for you Conservatives. George Zimmerman is free again (http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/07/06/12602454-zimmerman-posts-1-million-bond-released-from-florida-jail?lite). If you remember, the State Of Florida locked him up because he killed Trayvon Martin, which they saw as a good thing until they realized that Trayvon was only 17 and therefore couldn't vote anyway.
But they're giving him a second chance and now if you're Black and make it over all the other voting hurdles, you still have to make it past George. And his gun. They're not taking any chances, either. Being Hispanic, he's hardly trustworthy, so just in case he gets any funny ideas about taking a siesta instead of doing his job, they've banned him from leaving the state and taken away his passport.
Now that all that's out of the way, can someone explain to me why we should give AIG 30 million more dollars (http://bottomline.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/07/06/12602774-bailed-out-aig-wants-302-million-in-tax-interest?lite)? Sorry, my bad. I should have realized that only Conservatives understand things like that and it's Friday night so they're all busy burning crosses and shooting abortion doctors.
So let's forget about that and just get our own party started. And what better way would there be to do that than to try the Theme Drink that Fifi, my Sommelier, invented for tonight:
--------------------------------------
Fireworks In Heaven
Ingredients:
1 oz 151 proof rum
1 dash Tabasco sauce
Mixing instructions:
Fill up shot glass with 151 proof Rum. Then add a dash of Tabasco into the glass. Allow a few seconds to settle. Drink fast and stand back.
--------------------------------------
I asked her what possessed her to use Tabasco Sauce on a night like this and she said, "It's 99 freakin' degrees out and the Heat Index is like 115 freakin' degrees so what the freakin' heck difference does it make?" That's not exactly what she said. I cleaned up her French a little bit, even though it sounded an awful lot like English to me and I completely skipped the part where she politely asked me, again in French that sounded pretty English, to please go away and leave her alone.
I also translated the numbers she gave. She was born in a country where 99 degrees is 37.2222222 degrees and 115 is 46.1111111 degrees and you know what they say, "You can take a girl out of Paris but you can't get her to use a valid system of measurement."
And when have they ever been wrong? Never, that's when. So just drink the Tabasco laced rum and try to forget how hot it is.
(Read comments)
|
