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Greg (xander6464) wrote,
@ 2012-05-18 08:25:00
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    Current mood: depressed
    Current music:Morning Report With Mark & Steve, WOC AM 1420

    It's Friday, You Bastards
    Mary Richardson Kennedy (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/47474190/ns/us_news-the_new_york_times/#.T7ZMsVKrHxE) is the latest celebrity to solve the problem of what to do if Mitt wins. Some people say she may have jumped the gun a bit because Barack is looking good in so many areas and it would take an act of God for Mitt to win, which is exactly what his supporters are counting on but I'm not so sure.

    Because life consists of more than politics alone and even if it didn't, Barack winning in November isn't going to get rid of all our political problems. He's merely the lesser of two evils and we're still going to be saddled with an oppressive police state along with a lot of other things we don't want or need. But not as many kids and old people will be starving to death and/or killed by the conservative death panels we call insurance companies and more people will have jobs.

    Besides all that, Mary had problems that even Barry couldn't fix, even if he managed to figure out how to neutralize the freaky religious cult members---beyond not letting them set civil rights for blacks, gays, kids and women back to where they were in the 1650's---that really want to run this country.

    So she fixed them herself. With a rope. And the only thing she has to worry about now is that there is an Afterlife and it's worse than what we have here. Which doesn't seem likely and either way, she won't be missing anything here. And she won't have to worry about seeing Ted Nugent for quite a while. Because he promised to be dead or in jail by April 14, 2013 if Barack wins but he's a conservative Republican and when was the last time one of them kept a promise?

    And now, just when you were worried that we were out of material for today's Suicide Update, we have this, a local couple from Davenport who solved all their problems the other day: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2145527/We-just-feel-fortunate-able-bring-Leah-home-celebrate-life-Mother-buries-daughter-SEPARATE-funeral-husband-young-married-couple-committed-suicide-small-town-cemetery.html. I especially like the way the Mail used a picture of Davenport from the 2001 flood (It's all the way at the bottom and if seeing it makes you want to visit the Quad Cities, make sure you tell the clowns at http://www.visitquadcities.com/ that I sent you so they can give me my commission).

    OK, I know that some of you Noisy Negativists out there are saying that's enough suicide talk for any day but it's way too much for a Friday and I don't care a bit. Because, as the old saying goes, critics are like noses, everyone has one and they all smell. The problem is the Noisy Negativists right here in my office. My agent, Drusilla, my Editor-In-Chief, Style Manual along with dozens of assorted other staff members, fans, groupies, wannabes and hangers-on are all saying the same thing. Loudly.

    And they are, due to proximity, much harder to ignore. So I think it would be prudent at this juncture to pretend they don't even exist by doing what they want and just starting this party already. And what better way to do that than by introducing this, the Theme Drink that Fifi, my Sommelier, has invented for tonight:

    ---------------------------------------------

    Suicide Appeal

    Ingredients:

    1/2 oz White rum
    1/2 oz Coconut rum
    1/2 oz Melon liqueur
    1/2 oz Peach schnapps
    1/2 oz Blue Curacao
    Fill With Sour mix
    Add Splash Lemonade
    Garnish Lemon

    Mixing instructions:

    Mix two rums, melon, peach and blue curacao in a mixing tin with the sour mix. Pour into a Collins glass with ice and add a dash of lemonade. Garnish with lemon squeeze.

    ---------------------------------------------

    There, I hope that's enough rum to quiet down the nags. And convince them to squeeze more than lemons.



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