| Current mood: |  depressed |
| Current music: | Coast To Coast AM---Thursday October 29, 2009 |
It's Friday, You Bastards
This is it. Over my objections...have you ever noticed that just about everything that happens on this dull stupid little planet happens over my objections? Do you think that's just a coincidence? If you do, you're just the person I've been looking for. Stick around after this is finished and all the people who are too dumb to recognize a good deal when they see it are gone because I want to tell you how to transform your debt into wealth overnight, for free and I'm only gonna charge you $695. Then, because I like you, for just another 29.95, I'm going to give you some magic pills that will make you lose all the weight all you want while making you live forever. Then, I'm going to tell you how your house is not an asset and how saving money is a one way ticket to Broketown plus a lot of other invaluable economic advice and that's only gonna cost you another $99.99 and I'm going to throw in a reminder that buzzed driving is drunk driving for free---because it seems like the right thing to do---you just pay separate shipping and handling...this is our last Halloween Party for 2009.
Not that it matters all that much. I don't know if I told you or not, but my Halloween was ruined like three weeks ago and it was even ruined earlier than that but I patiently and good-naturedly overlooked those first transgressions and didn't officially declare my Halloween ruined until...until...well, I can't remember exactly what they were but I do remember that they were huge and unforgettable!
And, now, just because the stupid calendar says that Halloween is tomorrow, we can't have another Halloween Party next week! This is the very same outdated narrow minded boorish bigoted kind of thinking that prevents the human race from progressing past the barbarian stage. It also stops girls from dressing like vampires, cops, prisoners, French Maids, nurses, devils, angels, cowgirls, pirates and witches after October 31 and that's the part that really hurts!
As if that isn't enough, someone made Kitty Litter Cake again. I know that you wouldn't dare defy my edict and eat any of it but that doesn't make up for the fact that someone defied my edict to not make it. I'm not going to mention any names but I really hope that Suzette wears a naughty schoolgirl uniform tonight because no one has ever needed to stay after school and learn a thing or two about respect for authority and the importance of following the rules than she does.
Why is it so hard for some people to grasp that I'm in charge and what I say goes? When I say jump, why can't they say, "How high?" Like they're supposed to, instead of, "Stick it in your ear?" And I had to clean that up because I know that Halloween is a big holiday for kids.
Thank Wonder Woman...that's who Fifi dressed up as this year and I don't mean to editorialize here but she fills out the outfit very nicely...for alcohol. She even worked overtime today and came up with not one but two drinks for tonight:
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Black Widow
1 1/2 oz. SKYY Infusions Raspberry
1/2 oz. Triple Sec
2 oz. Pomegranate Juice
Squeeze of Fresh Lemon Juice
Raspberry Syrup
Draw a spider web on the inside of a chilled martini glass with raspberry syrup. Combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake vigorously and strain into chilled martini glass. Garnish with plastic spider.
Wicked Witch Apple Punch
1 750 ml bottle SKYY Infusions Passion Fruit
1 750 ml bottle Sparkling Apple Cider
1 64 oz. bottle Cranberry Juice Cocktail
1 Liter Ginger Ale
2 cups Pineapple Juice
Red Apple Slices
Combine all ingredients in a large black witch’s cauldron with ice and stir. Garnish with large slices of red apple floating on top and dry ice.
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We also have a theme tonight---and you can tell that the Party Theme Committee worked really hard on it---: Scary People, Part Three and Miss Bunni, my Chief Executive Vice President In Charge Of Mystical Affairs and Head Astrologer has parted the veil between the living and the dead and brought Jack The Ripper, Albert Fish, Richard Nixon and Lizzie Borden, et al, here.
Yeah, I know you that you and me both know that Liz never even hurt, let alone killed anyone but plenty of people still think she did it and she is fun to party with. And it's hilarious watching her freak out the people who think she's guilty by waving her ax at them while shrieking, "You're next!"
Of course, four of my closest friends, Vlad, Ivan IV, Adolph and Ted aren't here. Because Suzette doesn't like them. She says they're murderous blood sucking ghouls and bums. Even though only one of them actually drank blood. And those stories were highly exaggerated at that! Truman Capote is here though and when he gets drunk enough, he is kind of like those four, at least in attitude if not in deed. And if enough people do enough stupid things tonight...and you can pretty much count on that...we'll get a new book out of it. Just as soon as he finishes Answered Prayers. Which means we'll never see it.
Oh well. As I said, Halloween is already ruined anyway, so what does it matter? So just drink a lot and try to make the best of it. AND DON'T EAT THE KITTY LITTER CAKE!
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