| Current mood: |  depressed |
| Current music: | Coast To Coast AM---Monday October 26, 2009 |
Do You Feel Lucksy, Punk? Well, Do Ya?
That's today's Phrase That Pays...but I think it will work just as well if you say lucky instead of lucksy. That's a good thing because I know some of you would feel dumb saying, "lucksy." And I wouldn't want you to miss out on a great $25 gift certificate to Luxbar because of a little embarrassment.
If Elton Jim gives you a hard time, just tell him I sent you. Also tell him I'm not even blaming him for the cupcake car debacle. Even though I should. And What's His Name because it's 100% his fault, too. I know they did this to me on purpose. And then they started feeling guilty about it and had George Wendt a few days later to make up for it.
It was a great interview but it doesn't make up for not having a cupcake car. And what do I do? I forgive them, anyway, because I'm a Saint. Suzette, too, because it was also 100% her fault. I came home the other day and said, "Hey, give me $25,000 (Even though I'm constantly signing multi-million dollar book, movie and TV deals, my agent only gives me $8.50/hour to write, produce, create, direct, etc etc etc them and I never have any money but for some reason I can't quite figure out yet, my staff is always loaded and even when they're sober, they have lots of money) because I'm buying..."
That's when she cut me off with, "No. You're not buying a cupcake car."
How did she know what I was going to say? It's her spooky mind reading ability brought about by senility. So, I didn't even ask her how she knew. I just said, "You don't understand. Elton Jim and What's His Name were talking about it and saying how reasonable they are and how everyone has to have one. It was like listening to Consumer Reports. In fact, I think one won't be enough, so make it $100,000 so I can get four of them. No. Make it an even million because you know how these things go, there's gas and insurance and doc fees and what would be the point if I don't get the sport mirror package?"
"Gary, Elton Jim and everyone else were talking about how stupid the whole thing is and making fun of the idiots who would buy one," She said.
I very patiently...because I'm sensitive about the illness that's eating her brain and making her act like a moron...explained to her that she completely misunderstood everything and she better give me a million bucks right now or else. That's when she got mad about nothing and started another stupid fight for no reason, just like she always does.
At that point, I not only had to make her see how crazy she is but I also had to win a stupid argument, too. Like I have time for that. Not that winning a fight is a big deal for someone like me because I'm unbeatable but it's still annoying that I have to constantly do it.
It's like I'm Muhammad Ali and every girl in the world thinks she's Joe Frazier...except, unlike Muhammad, I've never been defeated. Not even in Madison Square Garden. So this was yet another easy one round victory for me and I should be taking a victory lap in one of my brand new cupcake cars right now.
Except...and this is the really unbelievably stupid part...I can't because I don't have a cupcake car! I don't know how or why but life is always totally unfair to me like that. I just hope you're lucksier with cupcake cars than I am. but, if not, have a few million beers when you get to Luxbar and try to forget that they even make stupid cupcake cars that you can't have.
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