| Current mood: |  depressed |
| Current music: | Coast To Coast AM---Tuesday October 20, 2009 |
I Feel Fine When I Have Chocolate, Cheese And Wine, Volume Two
This is the sort of thing that would drive you right into a terminal panic attack and/or a terminal case of inconsolable depression and that's OK. Because you're not me and no one else but me could face this kind hopeless adversity and not only retain his sanity but also crank out yet another perfect award winning...probably a Pulitzer this time because I haven't gotten one of them in months...blog post.
That's why you should fall down on your hands and knees right now and thank the imaginary being of your choice...I recommend Wonder Woman, because that's who I worship but any of them will do, Superman, God, Batman, Little Orphan Annie, etc etc etc---your options are endless so just pick one you like and go with it...that I'm here.
Because who else could do this? Dave Barry? Don't make me laugh! Weren't you paying attention? I just gave you the answer! No one but me! Stick around after class because I want to have a word with you about your inadequate attention span but right now, answer this, "If Dave Barry came home to find that both his Title Department and Blog Post Theme Committee had taken the day off, could he do this?"
NO!!! He'd just light a $20 million cigar with a $10 million bill and call it a day. That's not how I roll, though. And, as you can see, I've already come up with a clever, witty and completely original tittle. I don't need all those girls. I'm just fine on my own. In fact, I'm better without them.
I wouldn't have them here at all if it weren't for all the money I'm getting from the federal English Majors Bailout to keep them employed. And if they didn't look so good in their uniforms. Especially on Topless Tuesdays. Thank Wonder Woman they weren't absent yesterday.
But who cares that they aren't here today? Not me. I'm completely self sufficient! I don't need anyone for anything! Except Fifi. I told her to get me a beer a full eight seconds ago and I'm still waiting! But I'm not even letting that stop me. I have done the impossible by coming up with a great title and now I'm going to do the impossible again by coming up with a theme.
But I'm going to do that in I Feel Fine When I Have Chocolate, Cheese And Wine, Volume Three because I'm thirsty and I can't work under these conditions!
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