| Current mood: |  drained |
| Current music: | (hAILIE'S SONG) ;eminem |
my horoscope thinks i need to find new sources of entertainment. i don't really believe in these kinds of things, but i think it's right.
i do a lot of volunteer work. i put so much time and energy and effort into CALPIRG that it doesn't make sense because i'm not taking sufficient care of myself. i bet i could do better at work if i wasn't so worn out.
everyone is selfish, and - intellectually - i realize that selfishness is a virtue rather than a vice, but there's something that keeps me from being that way and i can't figure out what it is. i am completely self-destructive. i am an objectivist. i believe in the correct philosophy, but i am still an altruist. what is wrong with me?
i always defended my altruism by claiming that it was completely self-interested. it took me until this week to realize that it's a lie. i've been going to LOGIC meetings, and i agree with them. i have been wrong.
i also went to the CALPIRG hearing to protect the oceans; i completely DISAGREE with them. i understand that the environment is a concern and that it needs to be protected, but i think that there are rational ways to go about it without becoming treehugging extremists and costing millions of jobs. I UNDERSTAND, AND I KNOW THAT -- regardless, i give SO MUCH of myself that it hurts me. maybe that's what makes me so depressed. i'm living a contradiction. i am not consistent with my own beliefs.
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