| Current music: | comfortably numb [pinkFLOYD] |
I am completely empty.
i'm not sure what happened to me. i used to feel everything. i used to empathize with everyone. i used to understand. i used to get sad. i used to be in love. i used to have a soul, and now i think it's gone.
but how am i supposed to feel?
URGENT BREAKING NEWS: 6 Missing Women Found Dead in Sex Offender's Basement
look at the things that happen in the world we live in, the kinds of the things that people do to each other.
"Sex offender alleged pattern: invite women to 'party', strangle, rape them."
how can you feel anything when you hear about these things every day?
there are a hundred men in my life right now.
my problem is so mundane compared to the things i watch on the news, but i just don't understand it and it bothers me -- i can't fall in love. i'm interested for a brief period of time -- not too long ago i was even able to tell someone that i loved him. and i don't even know how that feels anymore; i don't even know if it was true at the time. i miss being so completely consumed in someone that i felt like i needed that person, feeling like someone outside of me could be so important to my life. i want to fall in love, and i think i deserve to get my heart broken. i want to at least be able to get hurt.
but that feeling is so distant from me now. i've gone too far. it's like there's this invisible force around my heart that makes it unreachable and unbreakable. it's like i have no heart at all. i can't force myself to care -- even if i want to so badly.
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