& we're sinking deeper. (wry) wrote, @ 2004-05-18 01:31:00

Current music:

avengd sevenfold - second heartbeat

#12.




i miss going to shows. i miss the atmosphere. i miss seeing old friends & making new ones, all based solely on this connection shared through music. i miss the adrenaline and sheer joy of hearing the opening notes of my favorite songs live, which will always make me feel better than any drug ever could. i miss feeling bass trembling through my whole body. i miss singing along with the easily recalled lyrics to a song accompanied by the hundreds of other people in the crowd, all united by our cry. i miss hearing these songs fill the air around me, songs you're used to only hearing through your own stereo. hell; i even miss the feeling of sweaty hands tightly gripping a barricade, combined with the feeling of being crushed against it for hours on end, wondering how close you're coming to snapping a rib.


tonight i finally caved in. while i was at the doctors, for the hundredth time, he suggested i start regularly using anti-depressants. i looked at the ground and gave a slight nod of agreement.

i hate the whole idea of anti-depressants. fake happiness. in the back of your head, you always know none of it is real. you know you wouldn't be feeling the way you were if it wasn't for a little pill triggering chemicals in your brain, fooling them into thinking everything is alright.

hrm.

my cat suddenly seems to have decided that i am the anti-christ, or something similar. i can't even step near him without him balting into a different room.

i feel very discontent and lonely tonight.

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