"Ready?" your hand was moving to the zipper of my pants, and your eyes were more clouded over than I ever remember them. And hungrier. Your weight was resting on mine, and the armrest of the couch was pressing hard into my neck, I was sure I'd get a kink. You whispered the word across the skin of my collar bone, and I suddenly had a very different kind of chill travel through my skin. Your lips on my neck were scorched and marking, and your hands gripped my hips, each press of a nail I was sure would make me throw up. I closed my eyes, hoping this was the lesser of two evils, and prayed to any God that existed that I wouldn't cry until you had left.
Nelson is in everything I do in my life. He is every step I take, every breath I force myself to take when I don't think I could possibly live any longer.
Nelson fought me on everything he never had to. We had similar interests, and similar friends; we had fitting hands and real light in our eyes. Nelson held all the trouble, I held all the consequences, Nelson held all the magic, and I held all the love for it. Nelson had beautiful stars in his eyes, and I had fireflies in mine. He fought me on skate boarding tricks, and on poetry, we fought over his hats and my CDs, but he never fought to keep me. Nelson walked away with his stargazer eyes, warm hands and all the magic. He never fought hard enough, to hold onto my hand. Nelson started out as my enemy, and he ended up winning the war that waged between us. I never forgot him or forgave him, and he hasn't grabbed my hand since
Love is always such a gamble. And there was this time when I loved to gamble. I learned to do it young, and fast, I learned not to hold back, just to live it and let it happen. Most of the beginning, I was lucky. Fate was behind me, I could win my hands, I could loss it fast and gain it back faster. Love was the same way. From the beginning, I was in love with the idea of love. I fell fast, and then got over it and onto someone else, without too much heart ache. But lady luck eventually pasted me over. I haven't played a money gamble in a very long time. I've only fallen for three people in the last 5 years. All of them were hard, fast, but long, and painful. Since my first major gamble with love, when I kept hedging my bets and bluffing my way through, when I finally bottomed out and lost, I haven't been able to do anything except crash and burn every relationship I've ever been in since.
These are the people who make you who you are.
They create your world.
And then they crumble it.
And they are everything.
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