| Current mood: |  crushed |
| Current music: | average genius- meet you in the sky |
meet me in the sky
this is going to be one of those long rambling entries. the only reason im doing it on this journal is because i know no one reads it anymore and i can get my feelings out.
while ashley was in the shower i signed online and drew was on. i IMd him and asked him if we were still talking and he said that he needed to do some soul searching. soul searching at 19 eh? yeah right. i asked him if i should just leave him alone forever or if we were going to talk after his soul searching was over and he said i should leave him alone forever and no we arent going to be talking after his soul searching is over. at that point i just wanted to go off on him.. start screaming, well typing i guess.. so i started to.. i starting saying how he was a liar and everything that ever went on between us was one big fucking joke because you arent supposed to hurt people you love. then i kept pressing backspace because i thought about it, and i kinda figured.. well where is that going to get me if i just yell and act immature.. but then i thought, oh fuck it.. he hurt me.. at least i can tell him how i feel. so once again my fingers type immature and stupid words that are running through my head. once i typed everything out i went to pressed ctrl + enter to send the message.. and it said "elquien is not currently signed on" so.. yeah.. didnt get to tell him what i wanted to tell him. so now he's gone, and out of my life forever.. and i am left here feeling so empty. i know it'll pass eventually.. and i know i have people that are behind me 100% to show they care, but i dont really want it.. i dont want everyone telling me it'll be okay, or he's not worth anything that he put me through. they might be right, he may not be worth it, but right now in my heart i think that he was. so many people look at me and see this pathetic girl who does this to herself over and over again.. and i dont even care. maybe someday i'll learn.. infact maybe it was today and it just hasnt really hit me yet. i feel like crying my eyes out, but i cant.. nothing will come out. i guess im just gonna end this entry.. im so tired.. i just want to fade away for a couple of days.
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