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Kathleen (woundedangel) wrote,
@ 2003-09-29 23:19:00
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    Current mood: crushed
    Current music:Mamma Mia

    amusing day...jinxed but good :D
    Ok so I finally went to bed around 2-2:30am and set my alarm clock for 5, of course, however, with my luck, it never went off so i woke up at 10 minutes of 7 and i made my mom drive me to school. My day actually went by pretty fast for a change. 3rd period Renee, Liz, and I got yelled at by sister sunshine for hanging out in the bathroom. opps. that was amusing. between those two and my lunch table i am kept amused for most of the day. renee was a sweetie, she walked me to every class today. or i walked her, or she walked liz and i walked her and sarah walked me but hahaha it was fun. and amanda had a wierd ass out-a-the-blue dream about me, lesbians, and plastic cigarettes. hahahahaha. i had a very good day depite the fact that i didnt pass in any homework, big surprise, and finally got the awaited: should we meet? on the latest math test i failed. My mother had pickup today, so that kind of ruined my day a little. i spend the car ride staring at my reflection and just thinking, its always silent when she drives. sometimes she attempts to make small talk, you know, how was your day and stuff but i just say fine and stare out the window. I don't know though, today it actually hit me that like my family is really fucked up. I mean, we've been told we have 'communication problems' (hahaha-what a shock right?) but its just been the regular. And I mean Lisa tried to point out to me that i needed to work out those problems but I overlooked that and left the hopital. Then when I talked to Anne last year she was like one of those friends who will listen to you bitch about anything and just kind of looks at you in that way, i dont know how to describe it, like they look up to you for no apparent reason. she was like a tag-a-long friend nobody likes. and she would just have me talk about Nancy and how overprotective of her friends she is. that did me no good she never addressed that fact that i dont tell my parents anything and all that shit. but its like, i think nancy has no right to call her friends and avoid calling her family and still expect to show up on Christmas and get hugs. but will i call when i go to college? probably out of guilt, but i dont really want a relationship with my parents once i am old enough to move out. i feel bad for hating them but its like there are so many issues that have yet to have ever been brought up, and i don't think i have it in me to go back through the years trying to mend a relatonship with my parents that im not so sure is worth mending. but i dont know, is it just me? do i exagerate these 'problems'? ok so i dont tell my parents that i want to die and that i cut because certain people get me the wrong way, especially them and Nancy, but lots of kids dont tell their parents stuff. whats so different in our house? i feel so horrible, i am actually ashamed of my parents. the thing is that i feel so guilty for it. am i a horrible person? i am falling asleep and i really need to shave so i dont want to work myself up to a point where i need to cut tonight so im giving up and going to bed so i can get up tomorrow and get myself through the rest of the week. i really hope kim comes home this weekend, i know i saw her tuesday night but still, i miss her. i just really want to hug her. ok, g'night now

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