|Current mood:|| weird|
This weekend has been really.. wierd. Well Friday was Leah and Megs party. It was awesome guys- seriously. THere were so many people there, more than the last show I believe. I was really happy that everyone showed up. I hope Megs had fun. Im sure she did- I think Leah liked it, just because all her presents were centered around cigarettes, and it was hillarious. Brooke got her this bad ass cigarette holder that looked like Cruella Divilles, it was seriously the best thing Ive ever seen. I spent most of the time there with Leah- she is seriously one of the most badass people Ive met lately. Shes so fucking funny. LAter that night we went to Tims, I was really happy that Leah was with me, usually Im all alone, I mean I know everyone there, but its nice to have another girl my age to absolutely hate how beer tastes with. That night was wierd, something was... different, and i didnt like it...at all! Maybe it was me, or maybe it was him... but something just felt fucked up like it never has before. Not as flawless as everthing usually does, just strained and awkward and not him all over me all the time. I hated it. Lately Ive been feeling like one of those uber annoying couples, like Kayli and Jesi, where you would rather not be around them at all, than be around them together. Which I am very sorry to the people that have to be around us, which is usually just like Paige and Kristan... and Sam, but Im sure Sam is retarded and dosent care. But at least I knew that everything was solid, and together. Which Im still sure it is, Im just fucking nuts. Thats it, Im nuts Im nuts and I hate it, if I ever get too sure of something it will fall apart because that is what always happens. Speaking of what always happens, Matt is online, hes not talking to me, its the 1st time that has happend in 7 months, not exagerating. 7 fucking months, we always talk online. We always talk regardless. I dont understand. Yes I do understand, I guess I just dont want to. I hate that I actually think things will ever work out. You know? I actually thought that Matt and I would be friends forever- you know? Like I knew we werent going to be together- I DONT WANT HIM ANYMORE. Im so happy with Tim...but I actually thought that we would be friends, and hang out. And that he would always be there for me, and vise versa. I thought that no matter what, he would tell me things that he dosesnt tell anybody else, and that it would never be awkward for us to just hug for no apparent reason, fuck hugging, that it wouldnt be awkward for us to just talk, that i would always be able to call him at like 1am just to talk to him for a while, and that no matter what happend with him and ashley, no matter how many times they broke up and got back together, no matter if they got married or they got into a fight and never talked again, that i was a separate issue- you know, that weather they were together or not wasnt the deciding factor in weather he felt like talking to me, which I dont know why I would think that, its always been that way, He and Ashley togeher, we wouldnt know the other existed, apart, we were BFFIS. I dont know why not having his company bugs me so much. Its not like he meant anything to me...hahaha...right- like HE MEANT anything to ME. Fuck that, he did, he knows he did, I told him stuff that I never told anyone, THAT is why it bugs me, and it bugs me that it bugs me. And I hate it, I hate that I want his friendship so badly. I hate that he will never know, actually its probably a good thing he'll never know. I dont want him to know that he hurts me when I have absolutely no affect on him. I feel like Ive lost my bestfriend, it hurts almost as bad as when I first relized Ashtynn and I werent friends anymore- But I guess shit happens right? What can you really do about it? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. So I'll let it go, and pretend that it dosent bother me, until he forgets that he ever knew me, and I just remember vaguely that the summer between sophmore and junior year he was my bestfriend...wierd. So there was my rant for the day. Haha- back to my weekend.
Saturday I woke up around 11, got out of bed around 12:00 when Leah yelled at us and said her and Paige were leaving and offered me a cigarette, so Tim and I got up and I went home. Got my eyebrows waxed, where the woman proceded to rip off 1/2 my skin, it looks nice, lemme tell you. Cleaned out my car, it took like 2 hours, did laundry, went inside to fold laundry and do dishes, thats when my dad started yelling at me about...something, so I just decided to go to sleep instead of cleaning, fuck him, if hes going to yell at me, he can clean everything himself. Woke up in time to fight with my mom and leave to hang out with Kayli and Brooke and Leah. 1st Brooke, kayli and I went to pick up pumpkins at the Pursleys house. We decided that it was a good idea to leave the tailgate on the truck down, so our 20 pumpkins quickly turned into about 14, 4 of them bruised to shit. Then we picked up Leah and went to Steak n' Shake where we ate some good food, talked to this guy that Hillard, Paige and I met once there before, and figured out that straws can be used as cigarette holders. yay.
Today was the pumpkin carving party/contest. It was real fun. I picked up Leah, Brooke and Merker were already at her pad. Everyone else that didnt come are fucktards, and I hate them. Not really- but seriously. Then I came home, ate, hung out with paige for MAYBE 1/2 an hour. Found out that Tim was in a car with Kevin for some FUCKED up reason, and if they got into an accident because its very likely with kevin driving anywhere (biggest fucktard ever. I hate that kid) then I will kill Kevin, and Im not joking, i would have no problem running him over. Hes a big dumbass that kills cats. I dont care if he gets into an accident by himself, as long its with a tree and no one else is hurt. But if Tim got hurt...or anyone else for that matter- uhg. He is the only person I can see being so irrisponsible and a huge dumbass that he kills people while drving fucked up. Man I dislike him alot. Anyway- Im out its 11:31 right now, and Im exausted. Night.