|Current mood:|| lonely|
|Current music:||Fuel, Die Like This|
Happy? New Years
i am here, by myself on new years. true, my parents are here, but my mom will probably fall asleep on the couch, and my dad will probably go to sleep around 11:30. and my sister isnt home. shes at a party with her boyfriend, and wont be back till much later. and so im here, ill watch tv by myself, and figure out every possible way to change my digital pictures. ill probably go to sleep right after 12 and only wake up early because im going out with my family tomorrow, to my moms friend's house who i like and everything, but i dont really like going. but anyway, i dont like new years, its sopposed to be special, and all it is to me is when the last number of the year changes, and its just another night with my parents. i dont know what i really want, and whats better, but i do want a change. just for me, and to make my new years happy. i dont want to sound like i have nothing thats happy in my life, because thats not true. i just something more. i hate the feeling of knowing that the only person i can kiss at midnight, is my cat, as hes running away. new years is sopposed to be a celebration, and i just dont see it as that. its another night that has had a meaning put to it. i just want someone to share it with, and i would feel differently. but, it also kills me to know the reason that i dont have someone to share it with. but what can i do. nothing. because im not going to change, so basicly, when my sister leaves for college in the fall, ill really be alone. thats for another day though, im sure ill have a lot to say about that. anyways, happy new year to anyone who wants it to be happy. and to people who feel like i do, all we can do is dream. goodbye 2003. hopefully 2004 will have better luck for me.